Sunday, July 02, 2017

A New York company has opened a non-alcoholic bar that uses fruits and fresh herbs instead of booze. It’s called the Nobody Is Here Bar and Grill.

At the Quickens Loan National, golfer, Curtis Luck played with a man-bun. He did well, but he was penalized two strokes for vaping and talking about his vegan lifestyle. 

A New York company has opened a non-alcoholic bar. Should go over about as well as the Iraqi strip club with women in burkas. 

The Ken doll is now available with a man-bun. Extra douchebaggery sold separately.

A study claims women retain the DNA of all the men they have had sex with. In a related story, the Kardashian women are now considered an incorporated town of Los Angeles.

Rio robbery-liar, Ryan Lochte, has served his swimming suspension. Our long national nightmare is over.

Former Laker star, Derek Fisher, was charged with two counts of DUI. That is when you know you’re drunk, when you get a double DUI to match your double vision.  

Since you asked:

Mining more humor gems in Stunk and White’s “The Elements of Style.” 

In, “Misused Words and Expressions.”

Nauseous. Nauseated. The first means “sickening to contemplate”; the second means “sick at the stomach.” Do not, therefore, say, I feel nauseous,” unless you are sure you have that effect on others.

Stuff I would do if I was super rich.

Decide to go to Tahiti to stand up paddle board surf and then fly there that same day on a private jet.

Spend two weeks on a rented yacht with family and friends. Just to get it out of my system. 

Spend a month in Paris in a swanky hotel with family and friends. Repeat with London, Japan and Sidney.

Open a blues and comedy bar and grill.

Find an underrated and under-appreciated band and record their album and send them on a tour to promote it. Same thing for a comedian. 

Get a house near the beach in Santa Barbara.

Help people who could use a break. 

Buy a Tesla.