Thursday, February 23, 2017

San Marcos Pass, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Donald Trump overruled education sec. Betsy DeVos, on transrights. But I am pretty sure Betsy DeVos thinks transrights is a car made by Pontiac. 

Historians claim Adolf Hitler suffered from a tiny, malformed penis. And, unlike Donald Trump, Hitler had big-ass hands. 

In Ohio, former Cincinnati Bengals linebacker, 26-year-old, JK Schaffer, was arrested after he beat up his 61-year-old neighbor and exposed himself in a church parking lot. Or as the Bengals call this: pretty normal behavior.

The US Drought Monitor declares most of California drought-free. In fact, the only CA areas not declared drought-free could not be contacted because they’re underwater.  

An engineer in Honk Kong has spent a year and a half and $50,000 to build a female robot that is supposed to look like Scarlet Johansson. Unfortunately, it looks like Scarlet Fever. 

Donald Trump picked leading EPA opponent, Scott Pruitt, to head the EPA.  That’s like picking Liza Minnelli as Sec. Who Can Spot Gay Men.

An engineer in Honk Kong has spent a year and a half and $50,000 to build a female robot that looks like Scarlet Johansson. You think that’s pathetic? When he asked the robot out, she said, “Call my agent.” And she did not leave a number. 

Tampa Bay QB, Jameis Winston, is getting criticism for telling the girls in a Florida elementary class to be “silent, polite and gentle.” How dare a pro athlete spend his free time trying to motivate children like that? He should be ashamed. 

55-year-old Dan Marino signed a one-day contract with the Miami Dolphins, 17 years after his last pass, so he could officially retire as a Dolphin. In a less emotional ceremony, Johnny Manziel signed a one week contract as a Pizza Hut delivery driver.  

In Ohio, an attractive, blonde 26-year-old nursing home worker, Brittany Fultz, was arrested after a video showed her giving a lap dance to a 100-year-old man. She was charged with three counts of elder non-abuse. 

Although is it really a crime when the “victim” gave her a $20 tip?

Historians claim Adolf Hitler suffered from a tiny, malformed penis. Actually it was his mistress, Eva Braun, who suffered from Hitler’s tiny, malformed penis. 

(Homage to Robert Schimmel)

Since you asked:

Look. Jameis Winston is no saint and I am not a fan. To say his past is checkered is to say a chessboard has a couple of squares. Getting so stoned he had to eat crab legs at three AM and then forgetting to pay for it is the least of his crimes.

(The awful autocorrect on Apple refuses to let me write Jameis. It insists on James) 

But when a professional athlete gets thrown under the bus for talking to an elementary class, we have surpassed some tipping point in annoying sensitivity.

Yes, he said girls should be “silent, polite and gentle.” Agreed. Not politically correct. 

But he was doing it in an ironic/contrasting way to show how boys are pressured to be macho, loud and boisterous. 

A boy was being disruptive in the audience. Rather than single him out, Jam . . . Winston made a statement about all boys. His point was boys should try not to be loud and rude. So by association, Jameis, not James, was saying the girls should not be predictable too. I.e., should not be silent. 

To quote the movie “Stripes,” which, to also paraphrase Bill Murray on “Caddy Shack,” is arguably the greatest movie of all time provided it is a drunken argument, 

“Lighten up, Francis.” 

Is it just me or does Kellyanne Conway look like the passive aggressive aging high school cheerleader coach who loves to flash her icy smile while happily destroying a young girl’s cheerleader dream?