Purfessor Wally sez, "Happy National Dog Day

Dis what dis waz waz dis dawg, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Happy National Dog Day. Or as North Korea’s Kim Jong Un calls it: Thanksgiving. 



Rio police have filed charges against Ryan Lochte for filing a false police report. Ryan could face six months in a Rio jail. After six months in a Rio jail, he would become CaitRyan Lochte. 



There are signs Italy is trying to get back to normal following their earthquake. Today Italian lawyers resumed their lawsuit suing Donald Trump for impersonating Benito Mussolini. 



San Francisco police are hunting for a man who bit-off a bartender’s finger. Police say the culprit is unarmed but is considered to have a dangerously biting wit. 


The Oakland Raiders have filed to copyright the name The Las Vegas Raiders. Basing an NFL team in Las Vegas could raise some serious challenges. Namely getting the players to the field on Sunday.


In Cambodia, a drunk and passed-out 25-year-old man lost his foot when a train ran over it. He was warned if he went drinking there would be trouble afoot. 



San Francisco police are hunting for a man who bit-off a bartender’s finger. Considering the type of crime, San Francisco has no choice but to bring in police from Florida. 



The Oakland Raiders may become The Las Vegas Raiders. Putting an NFL team in a town with 24-hour drinking, gambling, strippers and prostitutes. You can get good odds in Las Vegas that the Las Vegas Raiders will not make it in Las Vegas. 


After getting caught cheating on his girlfriend in Rio, Usain Bolt returns to Jamaica and his girlfriend. This just in: Usain Bolt just set a world record for scampering around on his knees. 




“Bachelorette” winner, Jordan Rodgers, has kept his Tinder account open and has responded to a woman since he’s been engaged to JoJo. This guy is the #1 dog of the day and it is National Dog Day.

Since you asked:

Is there anything worse in sports than when the golfer hits his ball near the cart path? 

And then they have to clear out the fans. And then they stand around waiting for the old, white, fat golf rules guy to arrive by helicopter. (And it is always an old, fat white guy with a southern accent)  And then he gets there and they talk about it. And finally someone pulls out a golf club and you think, finally, they’re going to hit it. No. They just use the club to measure how far to drop the ball. Then the ball rolls, (imagine that? A ball rolling?) so they have to do it again. And then they talk about it some more. They do this three times. 

And finally the golfer, by now visibly older, drops a ball, stands around and then hits it. Which he could have done ten minutes ago. And they are broadcasting this monumental caucus to time wasting the whole time. 

Now that Usain Bolt has given track a pulse again, it is time for track to do the only thing it can to make sure track survives and hopefully thrives. There has to be a death sentence for any and all performance enhancing drug use. 

Anyone caught ordering, buying, taking or masking any performance enhancing drug is banished for life. Period. 

And finally:

Do German/Australians reckon if they sprechen?