You best deal with my real, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Ryan Lochte has signed up to be on “Dancing with the Stars.” His specialty will be tap-dancing around the truth. 

Hope Solo has been suspended for six months by US Soccer for calling the Swedish team cowards. The six months is tough, but I think sentencing Hope to a month of listening to ABBA is downright cruel. 

Scientists have identified a new sexual fetish of women being attracted to middle-aged men. It is called the “OK, But Not Adam Sandler” fetish.  

Actress Bella Thorne has announced she is bisexual. Guys upset by this news can seek comfort by logging on to the website “Relax. You Had No Shot.com”