Wednesday, August 24, 2016

KFC has a sunscreen lotion that smells like fried chicken. Can pork-rind scented athletes foot cream be far behind? 

Olympic hero sprinter, Usain Bolt, is under criticism for Instagram posts that show him cheating on his two-year girlfriend. Experts calculate, when he returns to Jamaica, Bolt will shatter all world records in backpedaling. 

“The Bachelorette’s” Jordan Rodger’s ex-girlfriend is bashing him on Instagram. In  more interesting news, my dog Wally’s stools are a little loose, but it could be due to the heat. 

When I talk to my dog, Wally, I fell a lot less crazy than when I talk to myself. It is the difference between the woman in the store who talks to the items she is considering buying versus the woman who thinks the items are talking to her. 

My impeccable high-level New York banking sources who knew people who knew people involved in dealings with Donald Trump, could neither disparage nor despise Trump more. (And no shrinking violets these people. They have egos the size of their penthouses and Hampton homes) Trump's pompousness, egomania and rudeness were impossible to exaggerate. 

(Again, this is not political, this is about their personalities) 

These same unimpeachable sources are the ones who have related stories of what an utterly irascible and mean-spirited tool Rudolph Giuliani is. Giuliani's one great joy in life is verbally eviscerating underlings with that lisping, annoying underbite of his that always sounds like he has stuffed his smug face with a fresh mouth full of crackers. 

Good deeds at 9/11 aside, bald Rudy is righteous crap.