San Francisco police are hunting a man who bit-off a bartender’s finger. Ironically the bartender was upset the man did not leave a tip.

A tornado destroyed a Starbucks in Kokomo, Indiana. Apparently God got mad when he ordered a latte and they spelled his name Dog.

San Francisco police are hunting a man who bit-off a bartender’s finger when he was kicked out at closing time. Asked why the guy would bite off his finger, the bartender was stumped. 

A town in Minnesota has elected a big white dog named Duke for mayor the third time. When asked if they would vote for Donald Trump for president, they said, “Hey, elections are not a joke.”

San Francisco police are on the look-out for a man who bit-off a bartender’s finger when he was kicked out of a karaoke bar at closing time. The guy really wanted to sing the Rolling Stone’s “Hand of Fate” from their “Sticky Fingers” album.  

(Whored myself for the joke. Everyone knows “Hand of Fate” is on “Black and Blue” not “Sticky Fingers”)

 San Francisco police are on the look-out for a man who bit-off a bartender’s finger when he was kicked out of a karaoke bar at closing time. He wanted to sing “The Pinky Song.” 

In Cambodia, a passed-out drunken 25-year-old man lost his foot when it was run over by a train. His name? Hop Soon.

He was going to sue the train company, but he did not have a leg to stand on. They had to call an ambulance and a toe truck. 

Since you asked:

Cobie Smulders? We need to talk. Honey. Sweety. I’m letting you go as a celebrity crush. Oh, shoot. See? I knew you would start crying. Before you say anything, it is not you, it is me. OK, it is partly you. 

How did you go from my dream girl, eating Chinese food and drinking chardonnay in my lower Manhattan studio apartment on a rainy, Fall, Sunday afternoon, reading “The New York Times” together after destroying records kept by “Masters and Johnson,” to looking like an angry ex-WNBA player coaching Junior College hoops in Nebraska after a bitter divorce? 

Anyone else see this?