Wednesday, August 24, 2016

"Pain is temporarily. Pride is forever."

- Ryan Lochte

Olympic swimming star, Katie Ledecky, threw out the first pitch at the Baltimore Orioles game. She went in on to pitch a no-hitter and hit 3-for-5 with a home run. Which was really amazing considering the AL uses the designated hitter.

Today is National Waffle Day. I want a waffle. Or maybe I don’t. No, I want a waffle. Or three. No, they have too much gluten. I don’t care, I want a waffle. No waffles. 

Melania Trump is suing a British newspaper for defamation. When asked to comment, Melania said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” 

KFC has a sunscreen lotion that smells like fried chicken. It is perfect for people who don’t want have a literal red neck, but don’t want to give up that white trash image altogether. 

Would have loved to be in that meeting. “How many vote the gravy-scented panties? OK, how about the mash potato deodorant? The fried chicken sunscreen? Fried chicken sunscreen it is. Are you sure you don’t want the gravy panties? ”  

In the Hamptons, Leonardo DiCaprio was in a fender-bender with his girlfriend, Nina Agdal. Not only are they fine, but even after their accident, there is a 100% chance they had a better day than we did. 

Leonardo said he was fine and that he and his super model girlfriend were going to go home and have their usual bath in Chrystal champagne with two other super models. 

Since you asked:

Is there some block you can put on your computer that will screen pictures of people who have face transplants?

Why do people post videos or pictures of a-holes abusing animals on Facebook? They are not going to get caught. All that happens is that I get upset all day from looking at that video. 

Re-watched part of a great documentary called “From the Byrds to the Eagles.” One of the more annoying members of that scene, Van Dyke Parks, waxed unbelievably pompously on the evils of commerce and music from his Laurel Canyon estate. Van Dyke Parks. Even his name is a pretentious pain-in-the-ass. God, he was a tool. 

Like how David Crosby and Stephen Stills - as big a-holes as Stills and Crosby were, Graham Nash and Neil Young were even bigger good guys - sang about Woodstock and going back to the garden while demanding bowls of cocaine backstage like candy and limos outside  their private jets/hotels/dressing rooms running their engines 24-hours-a-day. 

Crosby and Stills took excess into the realm of comedy. All the time giving the Eagles the worst insult imaginable - calling them the Monkees - for wanting to be successful. 

Crosby and Stills. What hypocrites. Whew. That got rid of my poopy tutus.

The new Adidas James Harden shoe looks like the shoe worn by the elephant keeper after he unsuccessfully tried to cure the elephant of constipation with his foot.