Thursday, April 28, 2016

The Polo-made US uniforms for the Rio Olympics are being criticized as being too white and snobby. Even Joe Biden thinks they’re too white. 

An Australian man was treated in a hospital after a venomous spider bit him on the penis. When informed they could substantially reduce his inflammation, his wife said, “Leave the poor man alone.” 

Bono suggested using comedians to fight ISIS. Believe me, I know comedians and nobody could be better suited to fight ruthless terrorists than a bunch of people needier than a lost puppy in the rain. 

A JetBlue pilot was arrested for DUI following a flight from Orlando to JFK. He was so drunk he flew to JFK thinking he was going to KFC. 

Comcast is buying Dreamworks Animation for $3.8 billion netting $187 mil. cash for Steven Spielberg. That’s even more money than Oprah has in her couch cushions. 

2012 Heisman Trophy winner, Johnny Manziel, was fired by his agent, Drew Rosenhaus. This is the second agent to fire Manziel. 
Getting fired by an NFL agent is like having a pimp rejecting your business for moral reasons. 

Getting fired by an NFL agent is like getting kicked out of Justin Bieber’s entourage for behavioral problems. 

The 15-5 Chicago Cubs are playing 750% ball and have out scored their opponents 123 to 54. There is no joke here, as a Cubs fan, I just wanted to repeat those numbers.

A man in Australia was hospitalized after he informed the doctor a poisonous spider bit his penis. The doctor corrected him saying that spiders are venomous, not poisonous. The man replied, “That is fascinating. Oh, did I mention IT BIT ME IN THE PENIS?”