Monday, April 25, 2016

Best uniform in sports.

Not sure how they do it, but I am glad they do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

(Mike "Doc" Emrick)  

ESPN has had over 12 sex scandals including over 100 male employees signed up on the adultery site, Ashley Madison. ESPN stands for Exceptionally Stupid Penises Network. 

It is rattlesnake season in California and a memo pointed out rattlesnakes are venomous, not poisonous. This is good to know, when you get bit, so they can put the right description on your death certificate.

Prince died without a will, so his estate will be divided evenly between his relatives. Once again, I just want to say how much I’m going to miss cousin Prince. 

It’s early, but the 14-5 Chicago Cubs have out-scored their opponents 70-18. Even old time Cubs fans are getting optimistic. They’re saying, “Wait until next month.” 

In England, a petite 22-year-old blonde woman, Katie Ovens, became the first woman to eat a triple-sized burrito. We would say she won the burrito eating contest, but there really are no winners in a burrito eating contest.  

Former Indiana coach, Bobby Knight, said he will be campaigning for Donald Trump. Trump can use the insight of a basketball coach who once told a young Larry Bird he had no future in basketball.

It does not look like Donald Trump understands the delegate process. When asked about the delegates, Trump said, “ I don’t do laundry, but I heard you’re supposed to wash the delegates separately.”

They ranked the US airlines and Spirit Airlines finished at 13th. And there are only 11 US airlines. Taking a Greyhound bus ranked ahead of Spirit Airlines. 

Taking the New York subway and having a drunk pee on your foot ranked ahead of flying Spirit. 

Ted Cruz and John Kasich are teaming up. “I’m not sure that is a good idea,” said Nazi-Soviet alliance of WWII. 

Since you asked:

Congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks for a great season and a gutsy playoff against the St. Louis Blues. When a shot hits the pipes twice, it may not be your night. Feel sorry for Dallas, because St. Louis is tough. That goalie, Elliot, was lights out. But the St. Louis fans are aptly named. They really blue. 

Beyond tragic. A three-day-old baby killed by a pit bull here in San Diego. The family pet. How many times does this have to happen? Of all fatal dog attacks in 2015, 82% were pit bulls. The rest were rottweilers and other aggressive breeds. 

When pit bulls kill, crazy pit bull fanatics always say it is the owner’s fault. It is both. Pit bulls are IQ tests. If you own one, you flunked. Pit bulls can be sweet as lambs right up until they are scared or angry and then they snap - and they always snap. When pit bulls invariably snap, they will do what they were born and bred to do: kill. 

Everyone feels really bad after it happens. And a three-day-old baby is dead.