France has made prostitution illegal. In a related story, Paris Hilton has changed her name to Nevada Hilton. 

The San Diego Padres have been shut out in their first three games, a record. I’ve seen guys at Comic-Con dressed as Frodo score more.

Many are blaming Donald Trump’s Wisconsin loss on his mean photo tweet of Ted Cruz’s wife. Trump tried to backpedal, “If I had it to do over, I would have used a nicer picture of that nasty ‘ho.”

“TMZ” reports Venessa Bryant claims Kobe Bryant gave her all five of his NBA championship rings. Oh no, do you realize what this means? Kobe must have had five more affairs. 

“Rolling Stone” magazine endorsed Hillary Clinton. Which was hard on Bernie Sanders, he was there for the first one. Not the first issue of “Rolling Stone,” the first time a stone ever rolled.

Today is National Beer Day. Because what this country needs is a national declaration to drink more beer. Let’s finish off the week strong and name tomorrow National Meth Day.