Monday, November 02, 2015

My Halloween was a little rough, to be candid. My Slutty Caitlyn Jenner costume did not go over well, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

There is new test to see if you’ve been misdiagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. The ADD test looked fascinating, but, somehow, I wasn’t able to finish it.

A study claims marijuana can be as effective as Adderall in treating ADHD. But marijuana can disrupt the memory. Not only that, but marijuana can disrupt the memory. 

The Volkswagen emission scandal includes Porsche. So now, if you own a Porsche, not only do you have a small penis, your car pollutes too much also. 

A semi-truck full of honey bees overturned on a Colorado highway. The police suspect the driver was buzzed. 

Soccer star, Abby Wambach, gave out Halloween candy to a little girl dressed as her. Comedian Larry David thought he gave candy to a little boy dressed as him, but it turns out he was dressed as Bernie Sanders. 

It is the 15th anniversary of the International Space Station. 15 years of; “Don’t bother knocking if this Zero-Gravity sleep cubicle is rocking.”

Did you have a good Halloween? Mine was rough. I went as a New York Met. My Mets uniform started out fine, but by the end, the collar chocked me. 

On “The Real,” former president of the Spokane NAACP, Rachel Dolezal, finally admitted she was white. In an equally shocking statement, Caitlyn Jenner admitted she can’t have children. 

Did you  have a good Halloween? A bunch of kids came to our door dressed as the 1-7 Detroit Lions, but they didn’t have the strength to ring the doorbell. 

Chipotle closed 40 restaurants on the West Coast due to E Coli. It is so bad, you could actually get sicker eating at Chipotle than if you ate at Taco Bell. 

In Arizona, a truck filled with 22 tons of pizza dough flipped and the pizza dough spilled out on the highway. After the pizza dough had been on the filthy pavement, they scooped it up, baked it and it still tasted better than Little Caesar’s. 

The Kansas City Royals won their first World Series since 1985. To show how much things have changed, back in 1985 the Rolling Stones and Madonna were on tour and Sly Stallone was still playing Rocky in movies. 

There is some debate as to how Kansas City got the name Royals. Some say it honors the Negro league team, the Monarchs, and others say it is named after a rodeo. There is no truth to rumor they are named after the British Royal family because they also have not done anything since 1985. 

Since you asked:

Tiger Woods’s former caddy, Steve Williams, has written a tell-all book detailing  Tiger's poor behavior. From the excerpts I read, not only did Williams claim not to know about all of Tiger’s affairs - which everyone else on tour knew - but apparently Williams’s bullying and screaming at fans and the press was only a cover for his secret work as the New Zealand Mother Teresa. It’s amazing he was able to caddy as long as he did without his angel wings popping out. 

Congratulations to the Kansas City Royals. Great team, great fans. Congratulations to the New York Mets. Great team. 

Did anyone else notice thousands of the New York Mets fans poured out of the stadium after the game was tied in the ninth? They left a World Series game that was tied in regulation. After the game, the Mets players came out to thank their fans. The problem? There were no Mets fans there. Only Royals fans. 

It seemed the New York Mets - and their fans -  were getting cocky going into the Fall Classic. Maybe that World Series loss will keep Mr. Met from getting a big head. 

The reports of Peyton Manning’s demise are somewhat exaggerated. (And yes, I was guilty of doing that)

The amount of commercials during an NFL game have gone from ridiculous, to funny, to repulsive and infuriating.