Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The makers of Viagra, Pfizer, and Allergan may merge. Guys, this could bring a new meaning to a hard sneeze. 

The Stanley Hotel, used in “The Shining,” will be the first Horror Museum. The Stanley Hotel Horror Museum’s scariest exhibit? The blue-light exam in a Motel Six room. 

Outgoing FIFA president, Sepp Blatter’s name wasn’t weird enough, now he could be replaced by a guy named Tokyo Sexwale. Incidentally, at the Love Ranch brothel in Nevada, a Tokyo Sexwale costs $2,000.  (Whale blubber not included)

Kris Jenner rushed to cash-in on Lamar Odom’s first post-coma interview. “Wow, Kris is a disgusting and greedy parasite,” said maggots.  

Jeb Bush’s debate plan to attack Marco Rubio backfired. I don’t want to say Jeb Bush’s campaign is in trouble, but today, Khloe Kardashian promised to stand by it. 

Kyle and Kendall Jenner both made “Time” magazine’s 30 Most Influential Teenagers list. As a result, the US made “The World’s Most Screwed Country” list.

42-year-old New York Mets pitcher, Bartolo Colon, became the oldest pitcher to lose a World Series Game. When asked how it felt to be the oldest pitcher to lose a World Series game, Bartolo said; “What World Series game?” 

Bartolo Colon is so old he waves off the catcher's signs just so he'll come out to the mound and chat. 

Bartolo Colon is so old, when he walks into the dugout he asks; "Now why did I come in here?" 

Phil Collins announced he is coming out of retirement. Now what he feels coming in the air tonight is his rheumatism. 


Brandon Jenner is now driving the repaired Escalade his father, Caitlyn Jenner, crashed in Malibu. There have been some alterations to the vehicle. Like Caitlyn, the stick shift is gone. 

After losing fingers in a fireworks mishap, Jason Pierre-Paul signed a deal with the New York Giants. It will be tough for Jason to adjust to playing in the NFL minus a few fingers.  On the bright side, he won’t be called for holding as much.

A study claims 37% of vegetarians admit to eating meat when they’re drunk. Vegetarians call it getting Burger Goggles. 

American Airlines is offering a “No Frills” fare. It’s cheaper, but it comes with less features, like no soft drinks, no snacks, no choosing seats and no boarding the airplane and actually going somewhere. 

The WHO has declared that bacon causes cancer. You thought us dumb guys liked bacon before? Now when we eat it, we think we’re daredevils. 

Despite countless sexual assault charges, the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce has repeated they will not remove Bill Cosby’s star from the Walk of Fame. They do suggest women in skirts walk around it.