Bartolo Colon is an amazing pitcher

Both World Series teams have players named Colon. This Series will have a lot of intestinal fortitude. 

The father of Botox, Dr. Arnie Klein, died at 70. Actually, he died at 69, it took a year to figure it out. 

A cracker from a lifeboat on the Titanic sold for $23,000. So the curse of the Titanic just keeps on claiming tragic victims. 

After a serious fireworks hand injury, Jason Pierre-Paul signed a deal with the New York Giants. Jason was so excited, he gave the deal one-and-a-half thumbs up. 

Jason was so excited, he gave the Giants a high-three. 

The headline read “The WHO declares bacon causes cancer.” That’s fine, I thought, but I am going to wait and see what the Rolling Stones say.

Dr. Ben Carson is leading Donald Trump in the Iowa polls 28% to 18%. The coma sneaks past the combover. 

(Unlike Fetch, I am going to make this coma/combover, Carson/Trump-thing happen) 

The New York Giants are close to a deal with lineman, Jean Pierre-Paul, who injured his hand in a fireworks accident. No comment from Pierre-Paul’s agent, Jimmy Fallon. 

A comedian has been elected president of Guatemala. When asked to comment, the voters of Guatemala said; “Hey, come on. Trump?”

Halle Barre is getting divorced. For you guys who think you have a chance, log on to www.YouHaveNoShot.com.