Saturday, October 24, 2015

The World Series will be the Kansas City Royals versus the New York Mets. Iconic World Series have nicknames, like the Mets and the Yankees was the Subway Series. Or the Dodgers and the Angels was the Freeway Series. The Royals and the Mets will be the Hicks versus the Dicks.

A new poll shows Donald Trump trailing Dr. Ben Carson in Iowa. But Trump feels this is a setback he can overcomb. 

The movie “Steven Jobs” opened poorly on Friday. And why wouldn’t it? People assume it will open better as “Steven Jobs 2S” in a few months. 

Although his prognosis is fairly good, it turns out Lamar Odom suffered a dozen mini-strokes. Without speech therapy, they’re afraid he could end up almost Kim Kardashian-like. 

Since you asked:

Was the joke on the Hicks Versus Dicks World Series too mean? 


First of all, I have nothing against Kansas City. The people in KC seem wonderful and not at all hicks. In fact, they seem  Chicago-like, the highest compliment I can give a city. It's just I needed a foil, and Kansas City is a long way - in every way - from New York. 

And yes - besides my friends Jooch and Fideen - it is my firm belief New York Mets fans are world-class dicks.

Mets fans are mostly not real New Yorkers. They are from Flushing Meadows and the surrounding piss-hole areas. 

New Yorkers are great. New Yorkers are Giants and Yankee fans. Mets fans and Jets fans are mostly drunk, fat, ugly slobs with giant chips on their shoulders

The classy baseball fans in New York either left with the Brooklyn Dodgers or stuck with the New York Yankees. Mets fans are faithless, classless douche-bags nobody else wanted. Their color of choice is electric orange, for chrissakes. Their name is the Mets. It is short for Metropolitans which isn't a real thing.

Just saw my litigant’s show, “Serious Jibber Jabber” with Evan Thomas on Nixon and it was great. Evan Thomas is an impressive guy. 

But I would like to toss out a theory on Richard M. Nixon they did not touch on. 

My belief is Richard Nixon was a deeply closeted, self-loathing homosexual cut out of the exact same cloth as FBI director, J. Edgar Hoover. They, J. Edgar and Nixon, share far too many characteristics: brilliant politicians, paranoid, vindictive, incredible back door scheming ability, wild insecurities, hatred of popular playboy types like the Kennedy’s and a love of show tunes and fashion. They share far too many characteristics not to share the biggest characteristic. 

Both had their handsome, stylish and foppish boyfriends hidden in plain sight, J. Edgar with Clyde Tolson and Nixon with Charles “Bebe” Rebozo. 

Hell, Nixon and Rebozo admitted to sunbathing naked on Rebozo’s yacht while drinking martinis and singing show tunes. What further proof is needed? 

It goes without saying there is nothing wrong with being gay, and, thankfully, things have improved for gay politicians.

But back in Nixon and Hoover's time, there was no option for coming out of the closet. Not that I am a psychiatrist, but I believe this is what brought on the self-loathing and with it some of the darker traits of Nixon and Hoover. 

And maybe some of their more brilliant traits as well.