Dr. Ben Carson said he believes Joseph used the pyramids to store grain. You know who hates to hear this stuff? The people on whose brains Carson operated. Suddenly they feel he could not have hooked things up right. 

Skier, Lindsay Vonn, received several stitches in her thumb after breaking up a Frisbee fight between her two dogs, Leo and Bear. All in all, Vonn said the experience was still better than dating Tiger Woods. 

Speaking of jock's injured hands . . . 

Jason Pierre-Paul, who injured his hand in a fireworks accident, will play for the Giants today against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Jason will find it challenging to play minus a finger and thumb. On the other hand, (cough) he probably won’t be called for holding. 

A San Diego murderer, Joseph Anthony Hill, was sentenced to 247 years in prison. “Wow, 247 years, when he gets out, he will be old,” said high school students bad at math and physiology. 

A San Diego courtroom burst into applause when a murder, Joseph Anthony Hill, was sentenced to 247 years in prison. But he could be out in 232 years with good behavior.

Kris Jenner’s kids, Kylie and Kendall, threw Kris a Roaring 20’s party. This confused Kim Kardashian; “Like, Mom is like 60. Like, she's too old to have a 20’s party.”

Since you asked;

I've said it before, I will say it again:

Success is having the guts to allow failure to catapult your optimism into the realm of insanity.