That narrative suggests an entirely different agenda, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

“Playboy” magazine will no longer show nude women. Asked to comment, “Hustler” magazine said; “Holy crap, we’re still a magazine?” 

“Playboy” magazine will no longer show nude women. Who could have seen that coming besides anyone who has ever been on the Internet? 

Things are getting ugly between the Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush campaigns. It’s like fighting over which restaurant is more authentic Mexican, Chipotle or Taco Bell?

Apple was ordered to pay $234 million to the U. of Wisconsin on an patent infringement claim. Apple agreed and paid the claim out of the coins in its laundry jar. 

Michael Vick is hounded by injuries. His hamstring reached up and bit him and has come back to dog him. 

It Has Come To This:

In an NFL game, I saw a player called for an illegal block on a block he utterly missed. Whatever you do, NFL refs, keep making all of these awful, ticky-tack calls. After all, remember that you no-coaching, no-playing, old-guy, no-full-time-job-having refs are the real reason we watch these games. Are you picking up on my sarcasm, refs? No, because you can't pick up anything to save your lives. 

How long until a Manning does a “FanDuel” commercial?

Just like they did with online poker, how long until Congress shuts down Fantasy Football’s “FanDuel” and “DraftKings” for gambling? I give it six months. 

Speaking of a Manning, it is truly painful, as someone who has a bad shoulder, to watch Peyton Manning try to throw long. He does that thing we all do where he pulls his head away from the pain, his shoulder. But he is a tough old cob. 

The press sucks. Some in the press are calling for Joe Maddon to bench Kris Bryant, the runaway rookie of the year. You don’t suppose a 22-year-old kid is a little nervous about being in the playoffs and will settle down if given a chance, do you? 

The last thing any team wants to do is live down to all the worst expectations of their bitterest rival. The way Michigan fans responded to their punter made Ohio State fans so extremely happy.

The "SNL" "Weekend Update" "Playboy" joke about "Cat Fancy" magazine is still straight-up pussy was hilarious. Now, I know, as a joke writer, I am biased, but just about everything else really sucked. Even my main human, Tina Fey, was off. 

"Fox Sports" hired Alex Rodriguez keeping with their long-term policy of hiring over-paid a-holes. 

It is probably wrong - on many politically-correct levels - that I refer to the NFL "Predator" hair trend of super-long dreds as Hippy Curtains. 

Looking at the Packer's uniforms, now I know why they are called "Throwback Uniforms." You should throw them back into the garbage can from whence they came. The Packers flesh-colored pants give them that whole Porky Pig no-pants look. 

Not to toot my own horn, but . . . Everyone is going crazy about Larry David looking like Barry Sanders. Hello? From my blog on May 1.

FRIDAY, MAY 01, 2015

Vermont Senator, Bernie Sanders, is running for president. He is also the leading contender in the "Larry David Look-Alike Contest."