Tuesday, May 12, 2015

"I've told you I hate little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of Cornflakes. F.U." It took me four hours to figure out F.U. meant Felix Unger," Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers"

Had a flat tire on the way to work today. That damn Tom Brady has to be stopped.

A U.C. San Diego professor is asking students to take a final exam in the nude. The weird part is it is an accounting class.

New Jersey Gov., Chris Christie, spent over $82,000 for snacks at NFL games. Even the New England Patriots feel that number has to be inflated.

New England Patriot’s Tom Brady has been suspended by the NFL for four games for Deflategate. Four weeks of vacation in a mansion with a super model. The Patriots will try and appeal. “Not so fast,” said Brady.

If any athletes should be suspended for having deflated balls it is Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather.

A mother is suing Disneyland after she claims Pluto hugged her child too hard. Pluto did not comment. Not that he refused to comment, it is just Pluto is the only cartoon dog in the world who cannot talk.

A mother is suing Disneyland after she claims Pluto hugged her child too hard. Rough times for Pluto, first he loses his status as a planet now his only character witness in this lawsuit is someone named Goofy.

Kim Kardashian paid respects at the Armenian Genocide Memorial. To give Kim credit, she is coming along. Last year she thought Armenian was a fashion designer and Genocide was a sports drink.

Lindsay Vonn is now admitting she broke up with Tiger Woods because he cheated on her. Well who could have seen that coming?

Since you asked:

As the great sports writer, Dan Jenkins, said describing post-fire hydrant Tiger Woods, Chris Christie, in terms of the 2016 presidential election, is graveyard dead.

For a long time, Chris Christie wanted us to believe he was a more-corpulent political version of Tony Soprano. Tough, no-nonsense New Jersey guido who was a born leader and got things done without taking any crap. Capice?

Turns out that is wrong. Christie is the angry little fat kid who got bullied. So now he has power so he is going to bully people back, ala Bridgegate.

Now we have Snackgate. 

In “Garden of Stones” (underrated movie) James Earl Jones’s character, Sgt. Maj. “Goody” Nelson says you either eat the bear or the bear eats you.

“Yum, yum, yum, says the big hungry bear.”

The bear is eating Chris Christie, and that is going to be one stuffed bear.