Wednesday, December 10, 2014

In Scotland, Johnnie Walker Whisky and Harris Tweed Hebrides have developed a new fabric that permanently smells like whisky. They made a shirt. It’s called “The DUI” shirt.

In response to popular demand, General Mills is bringing back French Toast Crunch cereal after an 8-year absence. Thank you, legalized marijuana.

Miley Cyrus was seen in a Miami club making-out with Paris Hilton. Now when Miley sticks out her tongue, it is to check for sores. 

Clearly Miley is up to chapter ten in the "Britney Spears Handbook."

 Since you asked:

Just saw Olivia Munn on “Letterman” and . . . holy . . . crap. She is hotter than hot. Yes, she is pretty, yes, she is beautiful, yes, she is funny. But she is much more sexy than all of that.

You can just look at her and you know you’re not getting your hotel room deposit back. Chairs, beds, walls, shower curtains will be damaged. Police will be called. Neighboring guests will go from angry to horny to angry again.

Olivia isn’t just a Woodrow-making machine, she gives weapons-grade, sixteen-year-old-this-thing-hurts-and-is-not-going-away-anytime-soon-knocking-up-against-your-desk-bottom, cat-cannot-scratch-it, attached-at-the-pelvis-like wood.

Many times my friends accuse me of exaggerating about how rude, selfish and downright dangerous the a-hole drivers are here in Carmel Valley. 

This is no lie. No exaggeration. Yesterday, I saw a woman in a huge white Mercedes SUV,  with her left foot resting on the dashboard, she had a Chihuahua on her lap, she was sipping a Starbucks cup and talking on her hand-held iPhone. 

And guess where her car was stopped at the light? You got it, in the middle of the crosswalk. 

She is why I do not drive with a gun.