Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool wit your pants on the ground, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Taco Bell is being sued for not having enough beef in their beef tacos. What is the meat in their tacos? Let’s just say it was no accident their spokesperson was a chihuahua.

“Jersey Shore” Snooki’s book is on the New York Times Best Seller list. In a related story, the New York Times Best Seller List just caught a sexually transmitted disease.

Blockbuster has filed for an extension to declare bankruptcy and the Post Office will close 2,500 branches. Maybe treating customers with the same rude contempt prison guards treat felons isn’t the best way to go.

“Jersey Shore” Snooki’s book is on the New York Times Best Seller list. For the first time, the New York Times Best Seller list had to take a long, hot, Silkwood shower.

There is a grand piano on a sand bar in a Miami bay. The odd part? The piano is nowhere near the Florida keys.

MTV announced the cast of “Jersey Shore” will go to Italy for season 4. Preparations are underway, Italy is attempting to make a giant boot-shaped condom that will fit over the entire country.

Several of the cast members are going to try and learn to speak Italian, right after they learn to speak English.

In Italian, the Situation is La Situazione. Snookie is Snookione, which, loosely translated, means: brick-colored prostitute who gets paid in Jello shots.

When asked if they would go to the Coliseum, the Pantheon and the Vatican, Mike “The Situation” said, “Yo, we’re gonna hit all the nightclubs.

Taco Bell is being sued for not having enough beef in their beef tacos. Let me tell you something, going to Taco Bell for beef is like going to Radio Shack to buy a shack.

An Arizona restaurant has cancelled plans to offer lion meat tacos. And they should, no lion should go into a taco. Cat meat should stay where it belongs: in Chinese food.

The New York Yankees signed 37-year-old right handed pitcher, Bartolo Colon. In a related story, eating too many Taco Bell phony-beef tacos can give you a serious case of Bartolo Colon.

“Jersey Shore” Snooki’s book is on the New York Times Best Sellers list. In a related story, Ernest Hemingway just shot himself again.

The Farmers Insurance Open is this weekend and last year’s winner, Ben Crane, is a charming, light-hearted and funny devoted family man. In other words, pretty much the anti-Tiger Woods.