This girl is classy, smart, refined, sophisticated, funny and more trouble than a drunk Charlie Sheen at a women's sex addiction clinic. This girl can hold a scotch in one hand, crack a whip with the other and say; "Pants off for Mama" without taking the Marlboro from her lips.



We got to get some funky in the junky or the terrorists have won, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Have you been to the airport lately? Guys, they don’t just pat you down anymore, they thoroughly rub your leg and crotch. And that’s just the republican congressmen in the men’s bathrooms.

It is so thorough, the last time I went to the airport, I got sore the tenth time I went through.

It is embarrassing, it is awkward, it is uncomfortable, hell, I’m going back tomorrow.

A Florida truck dealer is offering customers a free AK47 automatic assault rifle. Let’s see, in a horrible economy they give away a weapon to commit a robbery along with a means of escape. What could possibly go wrong?

A study claims one out of ten men use the Internet to look at pornography; a more recent study says nine out of ten men lied to that Internet porn study.

In college football, Wisconsin beat Indiana 83-20, but Wisconsin coach, Bret Bielman denied he ran up the score. That’s like Sitting Bull denying he was profiling white people when he attacked Custer at the Little Big Horn.

Prince William is engaged to his longtime girlfriend, Kate Middleton; I like Kate Middleton, she looks like the kind of girl who can tie a cherry stem in a knot in her mouth without taking the lit Marlboro from her lips.

I like Kate Middleton, she looks like the kind of girl who slips off her high heels in a restaurant to play a rousing game of crotch soccer with her date under the table cloth.

Prince William is engaged to his longtime girlfriend, Kate Middleton; the English queen is reportedly ecstatic; and besides Elton John, Elizabeth is pleased as well.

Now I don’t want to imply this pretty Kate girl is trouble, but if I were Prince William, my first act as King would be to neuter the stable boys.

NY Dem. representative Charles Rangel has been found guilty of breaking 11 House ethics rules. That is absolutely shocking. The House of Representatives has ethics rules?

NY Dem. representative Charles Rangel has been found guilty of 11 ethics violations. To put that in perspective, the night of his drunken porn star hotel trashing rampage, Charlie Sheen only had three ethics violations.

In China, three job candidates passed out in the street in their suits after a drinking binge interview lunch; apparently they were interviewing for the job of Chinese interpreter for Charlie Sheen.

Prince William is engaged to Kate Middleton; Kate is pretty, but I think she is trouble. She looks like a girl who can spell Woo Hoo with cigarette smoke rings.