Scene of the crime Saturday

You gotta square up, paddle hard, and drop down and turn, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A study claims Los Angeles residents are second to last in intelligence. When asked to comment, one L.A. woman said; “Are you a vampire? I like vampires.”

A 56-year-old woman got drunk at the Joe’s Crab Shack and then attacked police with a hard clear plastic sex toy. The suspect’s name is Charlena Sheen.

A study says residents of Los Angeles are second to last in intelligence. When informed of this, one indignant Los Angeles man said; “How dare they? So we have over-priced real estate, earthquakes, clogged freeways, high taxes, smog, gang wars, high crime, that . . . oh, I get it.”

Two Kentucky men are in jail after a drunken dispute, they cut off the victim’s beard and made that victim eat the beard. Even in Kentucky, that’s no way to treat your mother-in-law.

A Pennsylvania man was arrested for smoking a joint in the waiting room of the hospital where his wife was delivering their baby. Not surprisingly they named the baby: Snoop Dog.

In Ohio, a 300 foot tower that was being demolished fell the wrong way smashing power lines and a storage building. The hardest part for the Ohio folks? Trying to figure out how to blame this on LeBron James.

Two Kentucky men are in jail after a drunken dispute over a tractor, they cut off their friend’s beard and made him eat it. Look, Kentucky, if you want us to stop making stupid drunk hick jokes, you gotta stop doing stuff like this.

The press continues to report about the cruise ship passengers stranded on the stricken Carnival Splendor; they were on a luxury liner, for crying out loud, it’s not like they were stuck in a Chilean mineshaft for 69 days. So they missed a couple midnight buffets. Those poor people, some of them only gained five pounds.


A new study says residents of Los Angeles are second to last in intelligence. When informed of this, one Los Angeles man said; “What’s a resident?”


Since you asked:

You know who gets paid millions to do voiceovers on the top commercials? The richest stars, like George Clooney does Budweiser, Morgan Freeman does Visa and Robert Downey Jr. does Mr. Peanut. That is a waste. There are only three voices that deserve to get paid: the “Let’s get ready to rumble guy” the Spanish soccer announcer “Gooooooooaaaal” guy and the movie promo smoker-gravel-voiced “In a world where a man” guy. The rest is throwing money away.

One more exception: Sam Elliot. Seriously, I would pay good cash to hear him say Hoobastank.

Speaking of bands, I am getting me some songs on iTunes from local surfer band Switchfoot. Damn good sound. What a drummer.


Have that great feeling you should have after a good vacation. Can tell I worked out hard yesterday stand up paddle board surfing, but I am not sore and achy. Can tell I had a few cocktails and wine last night, but not hung over. It’s a pleasant spent.

Had Torrey Pines beach practically all to myself yesterday. It was gorgeous. The water was so clear, after a wave pounded, the sand came up, caught the sun and shimmered like a million flecks of gold. It is a little eerie surfing with nobody around. Most experienced surfers surf with a buddy just in case.

At the end of an awesome hour session I did get the shark spine chill, so I got out.

Dear NFL:

You know, I know, everyone knows there is holding on every play. But do the refs have to call it on almost every play? Only call the holds that directly effect a play.

And enough with the throwback uniforms. (Or in Denver's case, the throw up uniforms) If the throwback uniforms were any good they would still be wearing them, ala the Green Bay Packers.