Don't kid yourself, it is tough work to be a cute puppy daaaawwwwg

There are rules here? There are no rules here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


The 1-7 Dallas Cowboys fired their coach, Wade Phillips. Let’s review, the Cowboys just over-extended by building an expensive stadium in a bad economy when their team is doing so horribly their leadership had to be replaced. Wow, they really are America’s team.

MSNBC had a clip of a guy driving on a highway while reading a book, reading another book on Kindle and talking on his cell phone. You know the book “Eat, Pray, Love”? He was reading “Read, Drive, Crash.”

Move over, Spencer Pratt, there’s a new schmuck-of-the-year.

The 1-7 Dallas Cowboys fired their coach, Wade Phillips. In football parlance, this is called; “Canning the concierge on the Titanic.”

About his New York meltdown, Charlie Sheen told “Extra” “A guy has a bad night and everybody goes insane and panics.” Calling what Sheen had a bad night is like saying Nancy Pelosi’s face had a tiny bit of work done.

It’s the 115th anniversary of the X-Ray. That means for 114 years doctors in San Francisco have been asking guys; “Is that really a coke bottle?”

A pretty female “Wheel of Fortune” contestant solved a seven word phrase with one letter. I suspect foul play, the phrase was; “Sajak’s in room 700 at the Hyatt.”

Theaters showing “127 Hours” are reporting people are vomiting, passing out and screaming. And here I didn’t even know Charlie Sheen filmed his New York trip.

Guess who joined Facebook? Queen Elizabeth of England. And her daughter-in-law, Camilla Parker Bowles, she joined Horsefacebook.

In an English prison, women prison guards are in trouble for sneaking in booze to persuade the male prisoners to have sex with them. To give you an idea how ugly those women guards were, some of the prisoners turned them down to go eat the English prison food.

There is an uproar in Silverton, CO because a couple handed out condoms on Halloween; to be fair, the couple said they only handed out condoms to trick or treaters dressed as Paris Hilton or Charlie Sheen.

Charlie Sheen told “Extra” He just had a bad night in New York. In fact it was the worst night Charlie has had since that hooker he hired hit him with the old Adam’s apple surprise.

The Dallas Cowboys are 1-7 and fired their coach, Wade Phillips. But worry not Cowboy fans, I can promise you the Super Bowl is coming to the Cowboys. They don’t have a chance in hell of playing in it, but it will be played in Dallas.

Dear Rancid Scumbag who is stealing jokes from this and other comedian’s blogs:


Not only are we on to you, but we, Alan Ray, Jerry Perisho, Janice Hough and Jim Barach, are aware of your blatant larceny, we are chronicling it, and we will gather our evidence to bring you down as the lowlife lying worthless talentless thief and liar you are. Especially if your name rhymes with Cohn Felondez.

Sleep tight and have a nice day, Jack Wagon.

This, of course, does not apply to the wonderful, wonderful people at Giglish and HaLife who give us attribution and great publicity. To you fine folks, thank you, thank you, thank you.


On a different note:

The smell of happiness and success? Coffee brewing in the morning air blended with the hint of Ivory soap and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

The smell of despair and failure? The body-odor, cigarette smoke and hatred wafting off of a New York City cab driver.