In sports parlance this is known as putting the tarp on the Sharapova

Known from coast to coast like butter and toast, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The FDA has banned alcoholic energy drinks. Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us, Charlie Sheen.

Ryan Reynolds won “People” magazine’s sexiest man alive. And Keith Richards won sexiest man not alive.

Once again I got snubbed by “People’s” sexiest men issue. You let one paparazzi shoot you slurping Fruit Loops while scratching your butt in your Spider-Man underpants and it’s all over.


A German coffin maker is trying to attract gay clients by offering gay images on their coffins. For an extra $1,000, they will put the gayest image of all time on a coffin: Cher riding a unicorn under a rainbow.

A Wisconsin man, enraged by Bristol Palin’s “Dancing with the Stars” performance, shot out his TV with a shot gun. In Wisconsin, this is the closest they get to coming out of the closet. Before this it was ordering light beer and sushi.


It’s amazing the emotions Bristol Palin generates on “Dancing with the Stars” Some people hate her as clumsy and corny, others love the way she has improved. The gay community hasn’t been this divided since Dick Cheney supported same-sex marriage.

Since you asked:

“Ask anybody about Freddie Bisco. When I get a Ferrari, (Curly finger snaps) it’s out the door.”