Thursday, August 19, 2010

Step off wit’ yo’ good foot and give a hollah to a playa on the street, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A law that made it illegal to lie about military awards has been overturned. Hello? Feel free to thank me for liberating Kuwait any time now . . .

Denny’s has a new sandwich called the Fried Cheese Melt that is a grilled cheese sandwich with deep fried mozzarella sticks inside of it. They got the recipe from radical democrats who were trying to come up with a way to get rid of Dick Cheney.

Denny’s has a new sandwich called the Fried Cheese Melt that is a grilled cheese sandwich with deep fried mozzarella sticks inside of it. “Can you get that with bacon?” said a guy trying to kill himself.

Lindsay Lohan has sold the rights to her first post-jail interview to “OK! Magazine” for $ 1 million. Not sure how well Lindsay’s rehab is going though, Lindsay is demanding the interview payment be made in rolled-up $100 bills.

A bull jumped into the stands at a Spanish bullfighting ring and injured 40 people. So the final score was Karma + bull, 40, bloodthirsty bullfighting fans, zero.

Love my new Brett Favre video football game, but to be blunt, I am getting tired of having to coax it out of the plastic case every time I want to play it.

The big question following Lindsay Lohan’s rehab? When she falls off the wagon, will she land on top of a man or a woman?

Did you hear that, a while ago, former couple Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian got in a huge fight at a wedding reception? It all started over a disagreement over who USC fans thought was the biggest ass in the world.

Since you asked:

One of the true rights of guydom is to be able to play a sport with your buddies while providing the running commentary by imitating announcers as you play.

“Kaseberg takes the lateral, he jukes inside, skirts around the defense end, Ray Delphenis, and he is gone. That Kaseberg boy is known for his outside speed.”

Any Skokie/Washburn alums who read this blog will smile at this memory of Al Marsh:

“He is known for his massive thiiiiiiighs.”

Eventually this would get short-handed, any shot made, goal scored, home run hit, basket sunk or touchdown ran in simply would get:


I am KNOWN for my Lindsay Lohan jokes . . .


Here's my question:

If you go away to feed horses, is that a haycation?

If you go away to just have sex, is that a laycation?

If you travel just to drink vegetarian protein, is that a wheycation?

If you want to watch ships in a harbor, is that a baycation?

If same sex marriages sneak away is that a gaycation?

If you just want to get in your car to get away from these awful jokes, is that a shut-the-hell-up-Lexcation?

If you go away just to eat food off of a plastic rectangle, is that a trey . . . OK, that is enough!

(Holy crap, Robert Duvall playing Gus in "Lonesome Dove" just shot at me)