But what is and what should never be, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


A San Diego bank robber used a skateboard for his getaway. Authorities described the man as armed and extremely gnarly.


A 56-year-old Ottawa high school teacher was sentenced to six months in jail for assigning his students to masturbate. Sort of brings a whole new and ugly meaning to graduating cum laude.


Manchester, KY is the fattest city in the country. Manchester KY is so fat, the high school mascot is the Fighting Kirsty Ally’s.


Police apprehended the barefoot bandit after a high speed boat chase in the Bahamas. It goes to show you can’t escape jail by fleeing to a foreign country. Unless you’re Roman Polanski.


More of these crazy Mel Gibson phone calls. We’ve all said things we regret in anger, but wow. If you listen carefully, you can actually hear Mel’s head spin around and pea soup spew from his mouth.


A mailman in England was fired after he dumped over 400 letters because he couldn’t read them because he was dyslexic. You know the real reason they fired the dyslexic postman? He didn’t give a carp about delivering the liam.


The movie “Twilight Saga: Eclipse” features more vampires. We need more vampires like we need more annoying plastic horn vuvuzelas. In fact, you know the difference between a vampire and a vuvuzela? One sucks, whereas the other one really sucks.


Have you seen the “Funny or Die” clip where they disguise Jewel and have her sing her songs at a Karaoke bar? It’s cool, Jewel blows the Karaoke bar away. This also marks the first time in history the words cool and Karaoke bar have ever appeared together.


A female Washington reporter has accused Al Gore of trying to force his tongue down her throat. Who could have ever guessed Al Gore uses his tongue more than Joe Biden?


Manchester, KY is the fattest city in the country; Manchester is so fat, the city motto is: “Ya’ll gonna finish that?”



Since you freaking asked:
Man, do I love to work out. It makes me feel great; it clears my mind allowing me to work and create better; it fills me with a sense of accomplishment; it gives me a better appetite which makes food taste better, wine taste better; working out helps me sleep better and I wake up feeling more refreshed, and, last and slowly but surely, it is making me look better and fitter.

So why the hell do I want to blow off my work out so freaking much right now?”