I know what I’m knowin’, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


You know why Viagra isn’t a sponsor at the World Cup? Too much flopping.


It is hot back East. In Manhattan a straight man saw “Twilight: Eclipse” just for the air conditioning.


A Stolichnaya vodka commercial at the World Cups asks; “Would you have a drink with you?” Or as they also call that: drinking alone.


I had a rough week, I invested a ton of money in those stupid World Cup vuvuzelas horns. My broker said they would make a sound investment.


A Stolichnaya vodka commercial at the World Cups asks “Would you have a drink with you?” Warning: Stolichnaya can cause drunkeness and schizophrenia.


A Stolichnaya vodka commercial at the World Cups asks “Would you have a drink with you?” I once had a drink with myself. To be honest it was a lot of; “Yeah, I’ve already heard that one. Yep, that one too. Heard that.”


The World Cup resumed. How many wanted Uruguay? How many were for the Netherlands? How many thought Uruguay and the Netherlands were rival schools to Harry Potter’s Hogwarts?


An Alaska man was charged with stabbing his roommate with deer antlers. The roommate is fine, but the man was charged with assault and for proliferating an Alaskan stereotype.


Before the Fourth of July, a survey showed one in four Americans do not know from whom we gained our independence; upon hearing this a shocked former President Bush said; “They don’t know we gained our independence from Canada?”


A pre-trial psychological test revealed ex-Ill. Gov. Rod Blogojevich has narcissist personality disorder. And that was just his hair.


Vienna from “The Bachelor” is going to pose naked for “Playboy.” Remember, Vienna was the one who broke off her engagement with Jake because he was a shameless attention whore.


A pre-trial psychological test revealed ex-Ill. Gov. Rod Blogojevich has narcissist personality disorder. That’s as shocking as Conan O’Brien testing positive for being white.


A pre-trial psychological test revealed ex-Ill. Gov. Rod Blogojevich has narcissist personality disorder. When asked to comment if he was a narcissist, Blogojevich replied; “Excuse me, but you’re in my light.”


New technologies can be confusing. The other day I mistook Twitter for Google. On the bright side I am now following on twitter a nice woman called Hot Lesbian.


Since you asked:

The final in the World Cup is going to be Spain versus the Netherlands.

Let’s review. We call it Spain, but they call it Espania. But the adjective for the people of Espania is not Espanians, it’s Spanish, i.e. someone from Spain. The Netherlands is often called Holland. But the adjective for the people is neither Netherlandians nor Hollandians, they are called Dutch.

And Europeans wonder why we think they’re weird.

And to that douche-bag sports reporter on ESPN's "Around the Horn" who said the US had a bad World Cup because we lost to a country the size of Oregon, Ghana? The Netherlands has six million less people than Ghana. For soccer countries it is not the size of the dog in the fight, it is which dog can play soccer better.