What, what on the nut, nut, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
For the first time in their 43-year history, the New Orleans Saints have a shot to win it all; upon hearing this, Chicago Cubs fans said; “Just 43 years? That is so adorable.”
During Fox broadcast of the New Orleans Saints 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings, the Hi Def picture was amazing, I could actually see Brett Favre’s liver spots forming.
NBC paid Conan O’Brien $30 million to do absolutely nothing. As a result Conan has been named an honorary New York Knick.
New Orleans won 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings thanks to Saints QB Drew Brees. Maybe now Brees will hook up with Black Eye Peas singer Fergie to form the new super couple Drewgie.
Sadly, the super couple, Brad and Angelina, Brangelina is no more. Maybe Kirsty Ally will hook up with ex-Raider QB, Jim Plunkett, to form the new super couple: Kirplunkett.
With New Orleans winning 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings, the Superdome was a site of joy, celebration and excitement, but less than five years ago after Hurricane Katrina, the Superdome was a site of despair, anguish and misery, or as Chicago Cubs fan call that: Wrigley Field.
You can now buy a $9,000 beautiful female sex robot. To which Tiger Woods replied; “Now you tell me.”
Janice Hough’s mostly
The New Orleans winning field goal was by Garrett Hartley who had been suspended earlier for testing positive for Adderall, a banned drug for ADD. When asked about the winning kick, Hartley said; “The snap was good, the hold was fine, hey, nice tie. What was the question?
Since you asked:
With Tiger Woods undergoing sex addiction therapy, a debate has sparked among mental health specialists as to whether or not sex addiction exists. Some experts feel the reason why successful men have a lot of sex is the same reason that clerks at Krispy Kreme donut shops gain weight.
Now that Nevada has the first legalized male prostitute for women, there are some questions: is he at risk of becoming a sex addict or a workaholic? Can he get fired for sleeping on the job? Will he let his clients down? What about sexual harassment in the work place? If he does an inadequate job, will he be given a severance package?
You know who I blame for most of our problems? Woodstock. No, not the concert, the stupid bird on “Peanuts.” Before Woodstock things were pretty good, then we got Woodstock and we got Watergate, gas lines, terrorist attacks, a different Darren on “Bewitched” “I Dream of Jeannie” gets cancelled, the Beatles break up, polyester suits, CB radios, subscription cards start flying out of magazines, telemarketers and eventually disco.
One minute we got Walter Cronkite on the news and before you know it, Woodstock comes along destroying our perceptions and perspective and we got Geraldo Rivera for the love of decency.
Lex Solves Most of California’s Problems:
Whenever possible, it is always fun to take two problems and use them to solve each other. We in California have many problems, but the first is clearly a lack of money. And while there are more pressing problems the environment and education – many could be solved with more money – another problem in California , as well as the rest of our country, is rudeness and inconsideration due to rampant entitlement.
Let’s have one knock out the other. Talking on a handheld cell phone while driving? $1,000 fine (Yes, a lot of these are driving related) Parking in a red fire lane? $2,000 fine. Rolling through stop signs? $1,000 fine. Failing to use your turn signal? $1,000 fine. Texting while driving? $2,000 fine. Stopping and blocking traffic? $1,000.
The great part about getting these fines passed is that even the a-holes who do this stuff all the time do not think they are the problem. The other day this bored brat had parked her Dad’s Range Rover in a fire lane next to Vons Supermarket in a narrow side of the street where cars in back of her had to wait to pass around her until the cars going the other way passed. And she sat there yammering on her handheld cell phone. That is $5,000 going back in our economy that would teach this rude little bee-hee-yatch a lesson.
And she clearly had no idea she was doing anything wrong, nor did she care. Five grand out of her clothing allowance would change that attitude but quick. In fact, when a pedestrian walked up to her – I swear it was not me – and politely suggested she stop blocking traffic, she cut this guy the ugliest look. To her, he was the bad guy. Again, a-holes do not know they’re a-holes.
And as the money pours in and the behavior is changed, we expand and expand big. Double the fines. Increase the actions that are fined. Taking two parking spots? $1,000. Pedestrians who jay walk and cause traffic to stop? $1,000. Talking loudly in a movie theater? $1,000. Skateboarding within twenty yards of pedestrians? $1,000. Soliciting people outside of stores? $1,000 fine except for Girl Scouts. Door-to-door sales pitches? $1,000 fine per incident. Telemarketing call at home? $1,000 fine. Swearing in front of children? $1,000. Flicking a cigarette on the street? $1,000. Loudly shuffling your feet on the ground? $500. Dressing like a hot chick while not being a hot chick? $500. Smacking and or spitting out gum on the sidewalk? $250. Any and all littering $1000 fine. Exceeding the number of items in the express check out? $500. Being loud and uncourteous at any fast food restaurant, Starbucks, McDonalds? $1,000.
Start using the police to enforce these entitlement fines, but as the money roles in, you could afford to create a special local Rudeness Patrol task force to issue them. They would be paid on commission and they will make a fortune.
OK, yes, it smacks of big brother and there are possible arguments of freedom restrictions, but they are the only theoretical price the majority of well-behaving people would have to pay. The a-holes would foot the bill for our state’s deficit. And who cares if a-holes lose money?
They don’t even know they are a-holes.
For the first time in their 43-year history, the New Orleans Saints have a shot to win it all; upon hearing this, Chicago Cubs fans said; “Just 43 years? That is so adorable.”
During Fox broadcast of the New Orleans Saints 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings, the Hi Def picture was amazing, I could actually see Brett Favre’s liver spots forming.
NBC paid Conan O’Brien $30 million to do absolutely nothing. As a result Conan has been named an honorary New York Knick.
New Orleans won 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings thanks to Saints QB Drew Brees. Maybe now Brees will hook up with Black Eye Peas singer Fergie to form the new super couple Drewgie.
Sadly, the super couple, Brad and Angelina, Brangelina is no more. Maybe Kirsty Ally will hook up with ex-Raider QB, Jim Plunkett, to form the new super couple: Kirplunkett.
With New Orleans winning 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings, the Superdome was a site of joy, celebration and excitement, but less than five years ago after Hurricane Katrina, the Superdome was a site of despair, anguish and misery, or as Chicago Cubs fan call that: Wrigley Field.
You can now buy a $9,000 beautiful female sex robot. To which Tiger Woods replied; “Now you tell me.”
Janice Hough’s mostly
The New Orleans winning field goal was by Garrett Hartley who had been suspended earlier for testing positive for Adderall, a banned drug for ADD. When asked about the winning kick, Hartley said; “The snap was good, the hold was fine, hey, nice tie. What was the question?
Since you asked:
With Tiger Woods undergoing sex addiction therapy, a debate has sparked among mental health specialists as to whether or not sex addiction exists. Some experts feel the reason why successful men have a lot of sex is the same reason that clerks at Krispy Kreme donut shops gain weight.
Now that Nevada has the first legalized male prostitute for women, there are some questions: is he at risk of becoming a sex addict or a workaholic? Can he get fired for sleeping on the job? Will he let his clients down? What about sexual harassment in the work place? If he does an inadequate job, will he be given a severance package?
You know who I blame for most of our problems? Woodstock. No, not the concert, the stupid bird on “Peanuts.” Before Woodstock things were pretty good, then we got Woodstock and we got Watergate, gas lines, terrorist attacks, a different Darren on “Bewitched” “I Dream of Jeannie” gets cancelled, the Beatles break up, polyester suits, CB radios, subscription cards start flying out of magazines, telemarketers and eventually disco.
One minute we got Walter Cronkite on the news and before you know it, Woodstock comes along destroying our perceptions and perspective and we got Geraldo Rivera for the love of decency.
Lex Solves Most of California’s Problems:
Whenever possible, it is always fun to take two problems and use them to solve each other. We in California have many problems, but the first is clearly a lack of money. And while there are more pressing problems the environment and education – many could be solved with more money – another problem in California , as well as the rest of our country, is rudeness and inconsideration due to rampant entitlement.
Let’s have one knock out the other. Talking on a handheld cell phone while driving? $1,000 fine (Yes, a lot of these are driving related) Parking in a red fire lane? $2,000 fine. Rolling through stop signs? $1,000 fine. Failing to use your turn signal? $1,000 fine. Texting while driving? $2,000 fine. Stopping and blocking traffic? $1,000.
The great part about getting these fines passed is that even the a-holes who do this stuff all the time do not think they are the problem. The other day this bored brat had parked her Dad’s Range Rover in a fire lane next to Vons Supermarket in a narrow side of the street where cars in back of her had to wait to pass around her until the cars going the other way passed. And she sat there yammering on her handheld cell phone. That is $5,000 going back in our economy that would teach this rude little bee-hee-yatch a lesson.
And she clearly had no idea she was doing anything wrong, nor did she care. Five grand out of her clothing allowance would change that attitude but quick. In fact, when a pedestrian walked up to her – I swear it was not me – and politely suggested she stop blocking traffic, she cut this guy the ugliest look. To her, he was the bad guy. Again, a-holes do not know they’re a-holes.
And as the money pours in and the behavior is changed, we expand and expand big. Double the fines. Increase the actions that are fined. Taking two parking spots? $1,000. Pedestrians who jay walk and cause traffic to stop? $1,000. Talking loudly in a movie theater? $1,000. Skateboarding within twenty yards of pedestrians? $1,000. Soliciting people outside of stores? $1,000 fine except for Girl Scouts. Door-to-door sales pitches? $1,000 fine per incident. Telemarketing call at home? $1,000 fine. Swearing in front of children? $1,000. Flicking a cigarette on the street? $1,000. Loudly shuffling your feet on the ground? $500. Dressing like a hot chick while not being a hot chick? $500. Smacking and or spitting out gum on the sidewalk? $250. Any and all littering $1000 fine. Exceeding the number of items in the express check out? $500. Being loud and uncourteous at any fast food restaurant, Starbucks, McDonalds? $1,000.
Start using the police to enforce these entitlement fines, but as the money roles in, you could afford to create a special local Rudeness Patrol task force to issue them. They would be paid on commission and they will make a fortune.
OK, yes, it smacks of big brother and there are possible arguments of freedom restrictions, but they are the only theoretical price the majority of well-behaving people would have to pay. The a-holes would foot the bill for our state’s deficit. And who cares if a-holes lose money?
They don’t even know they are a-holes.
posted by Alex at
3:35 PM
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