Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Geaux Saints, but . . .

Who dat? Peyton Manning. Dat who. True dat, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In an interview with “Rolling Stone” John Mayer claims he has masturbated his way out of problems. That’s fine until he has to go to the DMV to get his license renewed.

With New Orleans winning 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings, the Superdome was a site of joy, celebration and excitement, but less than five years ago after Hurricane Katrina, the Superdome was a site of despair, anguish and misery, or as Chicago Cubs fan call that: Wrigley Field.

You can now buy a $9,000 beautiful female sex robot. To which Tiger Woods replied; “Now you tell me.”

The winning field goal in the New Orleans 31-28 win over the Minnesota Vikings was by Garrett Hartley who had been suspended earlier in the season for testing positive for Adderall, a banned drug for ADD. When asked about the winning kick, Hartley said; “The snap was good, the hold was fine . . . what was the question?

For President Obama’s State of the Union speech republicans claim they’re going to give a rebuttal and a prebuttal. Doesn’t a prebuttal sound like what Andy Dick was arrested for?

Comedian Andy Dick was arrested for sexual assault after he grabbed a man’s crotch without permission; not to go into too much detail, but the man claims the comedian Andy’d his Dick.

A Knoxville attorney has filed papers to name the local sewage treatment plant after Lane Kiffin the football coach who abandoned Tennessee after one year. The sewage plant is down the street from the Lane Kiffin Proctology Center.

In an interview with “Rolling Stone” John Mayer claims he has masturbated his way out of problems. Masturbating himself out of problems may work, but it sure embarrassed Mayer’s psycho therapist.

Brad Pitt has bought a bachelor pad house in the Hollywood Hills following his reported break up with Angelina Jolie; Pitt wanted a house that didn’t remind him of Angelina, so the first thing he did was take down the poster of Mick Jagger.

During Fox broadcast of the New Orleans Saints 31- 28 over the Minnesota Vikings, the Hi Def picture was amazing, I could actually see Brett Favre’s liver spots forming.

Since you asked:
In the underrated movie “Role Models” – Jane Lynch is a national treasure - Paul Rudd is kneeling over a hammy fake-dying Seann William Scott, both resplendent in their Kiss garb, in a Medieval reenactment society battle. Scott finally expires complete with shuddering and finally his eyes stay open in a frozen death-stare. Rudd tenderly closes Scott’s eyelids with his fingertips and says something like;

“Thou cannot be hurt ever again.”

And then Rudd stands up and whacks Scott in the nuts with his rubber sword. It is truly a classic guy moment.