Here is our backyard Balloon Boy

Track it, pack it and stack it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Miley Cyrus quit Twitter? There goes my last reason to live.

Courtney Love quit Twitter. Courtney Love got tired of reading all the drunken and stoned messages posted by some crazy woman called Courtney Love

Miley Cyrus cancelled her Twitter account; she announced she was canceling Twitter on her iPhone to her blog, facebook and MySpace pages after posting a viral video mpg about it on YouTube. And right now my Aunt Myrtles head just exploded.

You know what a survey said the most dangerous job in the United States is? Policemen. The safest job in the US? Playing quarterback against the San Diego Chargers.

You know what a survey said the most dangerous job in the United States is? Policemen. The second most dangerous job in America? Now it’s “The Late Show with David Letterman’s” new hot receptionist.

Miley Cyrus wrote a rap song about quitting Twitter; and the sentence Miley Cyrus wrote a rap song about quitting Twitter is now the #1 sentence my Aunt Snookie will never, ever, understand.

Miley Cyrus, who plays Hannah Montana, wrote a rap song about quitting Twitter. And if there are more than two things about that sentence you don’t get, you’re old.

Miley Cyrus quit Twitter because she felt it hurt her privacy. Miley, sweetie, Twitter is kind of like panties, if you don’t put them on display, nobody will see anything.

A lot of celebrities are on Twitter. Today Lindsay Lohan made five awful choices in just one tweet post.

A lot of celebrities are on Twitter. Today Lindsay Lohan tried to snort Twitter.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have these nasty fights on Twitter. Twitter posts are like Lindsay’s vajay-jay, she doesn’t understand everyone can see it.

Lindsay Lohan did a spoof on “Laugh or Die” spoofing her eHarmony profile. Lindsay was very funny. Don’t get me wrong, Lindsay is still bat-poop crazy, but she was funny.

Lindsay Lohan’s last movie, “Labor Pains” came out straight to DVR. The working title of “Labor Pains” was “Why the Hell Did I Agree To Do a Movie With Lindsay Lohan?”

Lindsay Lohan’s last movie, “Labor Pains” came out straight to DVR. Lindsay Lohan is working on a new film and it is almost finished. They just have to write out three apologies and four retractions.

Lindsay Lohan did a spot on “Laugh or Die” spoofing her eHarmony profile and the light hits her sheer mini skirt revealing, once again, Lindsay was not wearing panties. This is for the 14 people in the world who have not seen Lindsay’s vajay-jay.

Since you asked:

Look, nobody is saying that Falcon Henne’s parents are not nuts; they went on the white trash show “Wife Swap” they named their kid Falcon and they have a friggin’ backyard balloon to try and catch extraterrestrials. These people are flaming bat-poop crazy.

But did they stage the Balloon Boy saga? No. How am I so sure? Have you heard them interviewed, especially the dad? Folks ain’t devious enough to stage this. Potentially horrific accidents happen even to crazy people.

When I heard about a kid allegedly flying off in a hot air balloon, my first thought is, well, that wouldn’t happen if they hadn’t had a freaking hot air balloon in their backyard. It’s like when people get mauled by their pet tigers or chimps. You know how to avoid that? Don’t have a pet chimp or tiger.

My wife’s family is from Colorado. They are some of the nicest, kindest and down-to-earth people you can meet. But there is a dash of crazy in there. There is something about those amazingly beautiful and rugged mountains that brings out the Indian/minor/cowboy in folks. Or maybe it is the other way around. The mountains attract those wilder personalities.

Personally I am crazy about them, probably because I am part crazy too. It would be boring not to be.

Go to a Colorado ski resort sometime. The people who work there are awesome, they love life, they are athletic and they live life like crazy. And the crazy sticks to them like fresh snow.

Are the Henne’s crazy? Yes. Devious? No.

And another thing . . .

I’ve been following the rich and famous on Twitter and Facebook and one thing I have learned about the rich and famous: they go back and forth from New York to Los Angeles a lot, with odd trips to London and Paris thrown in for fun. Slash, Paris, Caprice Crane, Diablo Cody, Lance Armstrong, Shaq. They go to New York like we go to Cost Co. Except without the inconsiderate slobs leaving their huge tube-sock-filled-cart in the way so they can gorge their fat asses on free cocktail weenies. The almost famous? They go to Phoenix, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Denver and Las Vegas a lot. Oh, and while I am thinking about it, hey there, you, person who invented those grocery carts with the car in front for little kids so mom can obliviously block my way even more? Thanks. Thanks for that mobile monument to white trash. By the way, "Bat-Poop Crazy" is my new Flight of the Conchords folk duo/rap/parody song. Whether you know it or not. we all have special super powers. One of mine includes the power to have one of the 500 people in the country who don't know how to operate the grocery store check out pad, be the person in front of me. In addition, I can magically attract idiot drivers who wander mindlessly out of their lane into my lane. Never said these were good super powers, I just said I have them.

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