Wait 'til next . . . oh, sorry, I just can't say it anymore . . .

Rock out with your sock out, or something like that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Chicago is very upset they will not have the Olympics in 2016. You know it’s tough when a big city has a better chance of getting the Olympics then the World Series.

Jon got sacked from “Jon & Kate Plus 8” now it is just “Kate Plus 8.” Gosh, I hope Jon is OK, he seems like such a great guy” said nobody on the planet.

Jon got sacked from “Jon & Kate Plus 8” now it is just “Kate Plus 8.” That is when you know you’re worthless, when you get fired for not doing a good enough job on your own reality show.

In Utah, Elisabeth Smart testified she was kidnapped and raped daily by her captor, Brian David Mitchell. Upon hearing this, Hollywood big shots asked; “Is Mitchell an Academy Award winning director? No? Well then he should fry.”

As if we didn’t have enough social networking sites, like Twitter and MySpace, did you hear about the new social networking site for drunks? It’s called Facedbook.

The NBA is banning players from posting on Twitter during games. I’m not worried about basketball players twittering during their sport, now NASCAR? They should ban their guys from Tweeting during races. “OMG, I just totally crashed into my pit crew. L.

In Utah, Elisabeth Smart testified she was kidnapped and raped daily by her captor, Brian David Mitchell. Whoopi Goldberg wants to know if Mitchell just raped her or if he rape-raped her?

Guess who is back flying again? Hudson River hero Captain “Sully” Sullenberger. This is great news for everybody except Canadian geese.

Woody Allen – who married his girlfriend’s stepdaughter - signed the petition to have Roman Polanski set free. Even Roman Polanski is saying; “Gosh, thanks, Woody, but I’m good. No thanks.”

In Utah, Elisabeth Smart testified she was kidnapped and raped daily by her captor, Brian David Mitchell. Who does this Mitchell guy think he is? An Academy Award winning director? He can’t do that.

Hollywood big shots have signed a petition demanding the immediate release of jailed convicted child rapist, Roman Polanski. Don’t you sometimes wish it was possible to reach out and give all of Hollywood a huge wedgie and hang them by their underwear from a gym locker?

Congratulations to the Detroit Lions, they finally won after losing 19 in a row. They beat the Washington Redskins. How embarrassing is that for the Redskins? That’s like losing Baby Sitter of the Month to Roman Polanski.

Woody Allen – who had sex with and married his girlfriend’s stepdaughter - signed the petition to have Roman Polanski set free. Having Woody Allen support you on a sex scandal is like having Donald Trump compliment your hair.