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A man in New Jersey is accused of having sex with five cows; or as he is known in Wisconsin: a player.

He’s fine now, but Friday, Conan O’Brien slipped and hit his head on “The Tonight Show” stage and got a concussion; hey the job is dangerous, I once got a concussion playing football, but luckily it didn’t cause brain damage, but I was lucky, it didn’t cause brain damage.

Congratulations to the Lions who snapped their 19 game losing streak to the Washington Redskins. How embarrassing is that for the Redskins? It’s like losing Father of the year to John Phillips.

The Los Angeles Lakers’ Lamar Odom married reality TV star Khloe Kardashian this weekend; there were many famous celebrities at the wedding, none of which were the bride and groom.

A man in New Jersey is accused of having sex with five cows, the man denies this charge claiming it is udderly ridiculous.

A man in New Jersey is accused of having sex with five cows; he says it wasn’t his fault, the cows were in the mooood.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are collaborating on a book about how to be famous. And I am going to read it just as soon as I am finished with John Phillips’ book on parenting.

The Los Angeles Lakers’ Lamar Odom married reality TV star Khloe Kardashian this weekend; it’s not a good sign when the best thing that can be said for this couple is they are not as annoying as Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are collaborating on a book about how to be famous; it was a little awkward when Heidi was asked about her collaboration with Spencer, Heidi said; “Well, sometimes I wish he could, like, be bigger.”

True it’s a little early, but I know what I am going as this Halloween. I am going to wear a Spencer Pratt mask and go as a douche bag.

The Los Angeles Lakers’ Lamar Odom married reality TV star Khloe Kardashian this weekend; in vastly more important news: my dog, Wrigley, likes to lick himself when he’s lying down.

The Los Angeles Lakers’ Lamar Odom married reality TV star Khloe Kardashian this weekend; in a related story, I will never, ever, get back the time out of my life it took me to say that.

The Lakers’ Lamar Odom married reality TV star Khloe Kardashian this weekend at the home of tiny widely despised music mogul, Irving Azoff; gosh, an NBA star marrying a spoiled untalented celebutante in the home of a sleazy entertainment midget. What could go wrong?

Since you asked:

How on earth is it possible for Dr. Phil to be the country’s go-to TV therapist counseling people through this epidemic of over-entitlement crashing together with lack of talent, when Dr. Phil his own goofy bald ass is the very personification of over-entitlement and lack of talent?

The guy isn’t even a psychiatrist. He’s a freaking psychologist. Psychiatrists are real doctors. In college, I took a couple psychology courses and I am pretty sure that qualifies me as a psychologist.

Now, psychologist’s, don’t get all up in my hunky dinky (hunky dinky?) ‘cause I disrespected yo ass. Psychologists are qualified to do what they do, provide therapy for their patients. But not the entire damn country, like that cow-tipping dome head dork Dr Phil.

(OK, easy, Lex, time to simmer down. Put a damper on ‘er, big fella. Whew)