This is our go-to picnic spot. Not bad, huh?

Imma gonna imma gonna, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Archaeologists in Ethiopia have found a female scull 4.4 million years old they have named Ardi, but Joan Rivers calls her Aunt Tootie.

Starbucks is going to start selling instant coffee, Starbucks claims, in a blind taste test, you can’t tell which one of their coffees, the instant or the regular, is ripping you off the most.

Do me a favor will you, due to some digging in my neighborhood, my TV cable has been out this week, anything new with Dave Letterman?

This David Letterman story won’t go away. Have you heard the latest rumor? You know why they fired Jon from “Jon & Kate Plus 8”? Turns out the eight kid’s real father is Dave Letterman.

This David Letterman story won’t go away. To give you an idea how bad the Letterman scandal is, Sarah Palin’s daughter is making inappropriate Letterman jokes.

Starbucks is going to start selling instant coffee, because if there is one thing our over-entitled, attention-deficit-disorder-ridden society needs, it’s a faster way to get caffeine.

David Letterman is facing criticism over his numerous inappropriate affairs with staff members, except in Hollywood where he might actually be christened Saint Dave.

To give you an idea just how bad this David Letterman sex scandal is, today Letterman received a fruit basket from a grateful Roman Polanski.

This David Letterman story won’t go away. Here is a guy who doesn’t drink, gave up cigars, gave up coffee and now he won’t be having sex for quite a long while. If we’re not careful, Dave could turn into a Star Trek fanatic.

A Swiss court denied bail for Roman Polanski, but Whoopi Goldberg said it wasn’t really bail-bail.

Since you asked:

Not that Jesus would feel this way, but I really despise the drivers who live around here. Like the guy who cuts you off just so he can slow down and turn? That guy.

If you were on San Diego's 56 East yesterday at 2:10 PM? There is a 97% chance you are a screaming douche bag of a crappy driver.

But not you, Slats and Nugsters, you guys be awesomeness personifictified.

We ain’t gonna run this town, but we may power walk it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

It’s the baseball playoffs; gentlemen start your injections.

The New York Yankees are in the playoffs against the Minnesota Twins. This will be good for Alex Rodriguez, it will take his mind off the fact that he found out it wasn’t he who got Kate Hudson pregnant, it was David Letterman.

Brett Favre led his new team, the Minnesota Vikings, to a huge 30-23 win over his old team, the Green Bay Packers. But Brett is getting up there. At one point Favre walked up to the huddle and said; “Now why did I come in here again?”

Brett Favre led his new team, the Minnesota Vikings, to a huge 30-23 win over his old team, the Green Bay Packers. But Brett is getting up there. At one point during the game, I thought Favre was signaling for a play change, turns out he was patting himself down to find his reading glasses.

It has been estimated Kevin Federline – Britney’s ex-husband – has put on over 60 pounds so he can lose it and win “Celebrity Fit Club.” And I bet he loses all of it during the show. Not the fat, his celebrity.

The NBA has banned players from posting on Twitter and Facebook, during games; And the players are not happy about it, upon hearing he couldn’t Twitter during games, one player tweeted; “OMG, WTF NBA? It’ totally like they are expecting me to do my job?”

The NBA has banned players from posting on Twitter during games; they have to Twitter during games? These guys don’t just have ADD, attention deficit disorder, they have ADCOTHC, Attention Deficit check out that hot cheerleader.”

Since you asked:

The new status symbol for celebrities is how many people follow them on Twitter. The big milestone is one million followers.

But, get this, I just broke a milestone of my own on Twitter. One hundred people now follow me on Twitter. Gosh, suddenly I have been hit with a wave of coldness, sadness and fatigue. Think I'll go lie down and rock myself and hum for a while . . .

Because, with my back and tooth hurting, I didn't quite feel old enough, my good buddy, Woody, told me his daughter, A.L.b.B. reader, Julia, went to a '90's party. I would have to go to Marshalls and buy new clothes to go to a Nineties party. An Eighties party? I'm good to go.