Tuesday, October 13, 2009

We gonna spiral the viral up in this up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


On Twitter, Paris Hilton revealed a picture of her new baby pig she named Miss Pigelette, misspelling piglet; remind me again why Paris Hilton didn’t win the Noble Peace Prize?


There was an awkward moment when they announced President Obama won the Nobel Prize, Kanye West grabbed the microphone and said; “Imma gonna let you finish, but France’s Nicolas Sarkozy was the best world leader of all time.”


I’m not sure who is on Letterman tonight, but I am pretty sure it’s not his wife.


Michael Lohan said he wants to give his daughter, Lindsay Lohan, an intervention. And Lindsay said she wants to get her father, Michael, the Joe Jackson book on better parenting.


NASA fired two exploding rockets at the moon. Yeah, apparently the moon called NASA a bunch of geeks, nerds and dorks.


Poor David Letterman. Remember the good ol’ days when the only woman who hated Letterman was Sarah Palin?


Congress is proposing giving everyone who has a baby $500. Oh goodie, finally a way to make NBA players even richer.


R. Kelly says he is illiterate. Guess the R. in R. Kelly doesn’t stand for reading.


R. Kelly says he is illiterate. So that means he just pretended to read those bedtime stories to his dates.


Former “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul has painted Simon Cowell’s picture on her finger nails; well, on the one nail on her middle finger.


Former “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul has painted Simon Cowell’s picture on her finger nails; to reciprocate, Simon got Paula’s face tattoo’d on his man-boob.


Miley Cyrus is closing her Twitter page. If you didn’t understand any of that last sentence, you’re over 40.


President Barack Obama was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize, well, you certainly can see why, Obama deserves the Nobel prize for, uh, well, there was that, um, how about those Dodgers?


According to an Adam and Eve adult entertainment poll, 70% of people said their first sexual experience was positive. The other 30% said David Letterman was only so-so.


A University of Miami survey claims people who drink alcohol exercise more. But that’s only if you count push ups on the toilet as exercise.


The latest food served at state fairs is a bacon cheeseburger between two buttered Krispy Kreme donuts. Sadly, most people at the state fair don’t have enough teeth to eat one.


An Australian motor speedway is limiting their patrons to 24 beers. Not because they were too drunk, the race cars kept crashing after sliding on all the urine on the track.


The International Olympics Committee has included golf for the 2016 Olympics in Rio. So that means Tiger Woods could win a gold medal. Maybe in some way that will fill the void of merely being a billionaire married to a Swedish bikini model.


R. Kelly says he can’t read. That explains why he wasn’t upset about being called a pedophile, he doesn’t know what it means.


A survey says the most annoying word is whatever. The second most annoying word? Whatever comes out of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s mouth.


Amy Winehouse has gone from having 16 million dollars down to 2 million dollars. But that’s up to four million dollars if you include the street value of her liver.




Since you asked:


Not to be immodest or braggadocios, and like I've said a billion times, it's not good to exaggerate, but I may have revolutionized grilling as we know it.


You've heard me laud the praises of Argentine grilling? Hard wood coals, marinate meat in olive oil, indirect heat, sea salt, sear at the end.


But there are some drawbacks. You have to buy coals, you have to wait for it to light, your hands get very dirty from the black powder.


Nothing is easier than firing up the gas grill.


So I decided to see if I could replicate the Weber on the gas grill. I've got a smoker box, filled it with soaked mesquite chips, placed them on the hot searing panels and lowered the heat on the burners right to left and left off the far left burner. Let the smoker start smoking, put the meat on indirect heat and I seared it at the end. It got the smoke flavor and it was done perfectly medium rare.


But one huge advantage to the gas grill is how great it leaves the grill marks. The Weber's grill is too thin to make the nice cross marks.


So what do I call this new invention of doing Argentine grilling on the gas grill with a wood chip smoker:


Lexentine Grilling.




(Polite applause )


Odd thing happened. Today I Google'd the word Google on Google and my computer started openly weeping.