Big Ben charged with sexual assault? We'll know it is serious when Ben asks Kobe for his attorney and his jeweler's phone numbers.

Amy Winehouse's ex, Blake, is suing Winehouse for ten million dollars because he claims he was the inspiration for her music. Upon hearing this, heroin, crack, ecstasy and cheap vodka also sued Winehouse.

Sarah Palin's last week as Alaska's Governor. She is going back to her old job as the friendly real estate agent with her picture on the bus stop bench.

The International Space Station has a record 13 astronauts and the toilet is busted. In a related story, the I.S.S. announced it has canceled tonight's "All You Can Eat Taco Night" until further notice.

In another related story, a record 13 astronauts volunteered for the next space walk.

It is raining so hard in New York, former Gov. Elliot Spitzer hired a hooker to squeegee his driveway.

NASA announced the toilet is broken on the International Space Station, the urine-to-drinking-water system is acting up and, for some odd reason, astronaut application requests are at an all time low.

Since you asked:
The NFL might conditionally reinstate convicted dog killer Michael Vick. They should, he did his time. As I have said, I will not watch one play he plays, but they should. The NFL recently had a guy in Adam "Pacman" Jones who shot and paralyzed a bouncer. They have a guy in Ray Lewis who had so much blood from a stabbing murder victim on his mink coat, a forensic expert said he either stabbed the guy or held him while he was being stabbed.

Being an NFL football player is not a test of the quality of a man's personality. It is simply a test of how well they can advance a football or stop someone from advancing with a football. Period.

Here is a new bit we at a.L.b.B. like to call:

Either it is rock and roll, or it is not

Coffee mugs? Rock and roll.

Coffee cups? Not.

Blue jeans? Rock and Roll.

Long Shorts? Not.

Steak sandwich? Rock and Roll

Turkey sandwich? Not.

E-mail? Rock and Roll

Twitter, Text Messaging, Facebook, MySpace? Not.

Labradors? Rock and Roll

Purse/Lap dogs? Not.

Bacon? Rock and Roll.

Cereal? Not.

Stand Up Paddle Board Surfing? Rock and Roll

Kayaking? Not.

iPods? Rock and Roll

Guitar hero? Not.

Running? Rock and Roll

Pilate's? Not.

BBQ ribs? Rock and Roll

Sushi? Not. (not making judgements here, I loves me some sushi, it just isn't rock and roll)

Red wine? Rock and Roll

White wine? Not.

Twitter? Not.

Flip flop sandals? Rock and Roll.

Crocs? Not.

Mont Gay Rum, coconut water and a lime squeeze? Rock and Roll

Mont Gay Rum, tonic water, lime squeeze? Not.

Comedian Jim Gaffigan? Rock and Roll

Dane Cook? Not.

A ceiling fan? Rock and Roll.

Air conditioning? Not. (Perfect example, I love air conditioning, always have, it just isn't rock and roll, now is it?)

Pencils? Rock and Roll.

Pens? Not.

Football? Rock and Roll.

Golf? Not.

New feature: Douche Bag of the Week!

Ex-Mr. Blake Winehouse