A survey reveals Paris is the rudest city in Europe. This is the most shocking revelation since "Rolling Stone" revealed "American Idol" runner up Adam Lambert is gay.

Paris was even ruder than the Dutch town of Von Rudeia and the German town of Snottydorf.

An investigation reveals David Carradine died as a result of an auto-erotic sex game. Auto-erotic is a fancy way of saying he was giving himself the old Kung Fu grip.

This just in: being gnawed-to-death by slimey, disease-ridden rabid rats is now my second choice as to how I do not want to die.

Allegedly strangling makes orgasms more intense. Are people really complaining about orgasms lack of intensity? Anything that makes you shudder uncontrollably, shout, scream and then pass out asleep should be good enough. "Gosh, that was good, but it could use something more. Hand me that rope."

A survey reveals Americans have a more negative view of Muslims than they did in 2002; in fact, their view of Muslims is even more negative than the view from the back of a cab.

A survey reveals Americans have a more negative view of Muslims than they did in 2002; Apparently Americans have become so sensitive we object to people who march chanting "Death to American infidel dogs."

On NBC's "Inside the Obama White House" the first dog, Bo, was on a leash inside the White House. It's the same leash Hillary tried to use on Bill.

Paris Hilton arrived in New York to celebrate her sister Nicky's 25th birthday. It is nice to see them together, when together they form one working brain.

On NBC's "Inside the Obama White House" President Obama speaks baby talk to the first dog, Bo. It was cute. It was the first baby talk heard in the White House since Bill Clinton interviewed female interns.

Actually it was the first baby talk in the White House since Laura read a bedtime story to George W.

The economy is so rough, people can't afford facebook and are switching to facemagazine.

Joan Rivers is trying to become technically up to date. Today she logged-on to faceliftbook.