It is what it is what it is what it is until it isn’t, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Not since then
The San Diego Padres have won ten games in a row despite a team collective batting average of .210. That is the best anyone has done without many hits since Billy Ray Cyrus.

Nice move
The latest rumor is that Alex Rodriguez was making out in a New York club with Kate Hudson. It looks like A-Rod is trying to pull a Capt “Sully” Sullenberger: get lucky and land on the Hudson.

Save the date, oh, you already did
Carnival Cruise lines has announced a three day cruise with live performances from New Kids on the Block. The cruise will take place June 16th through June 19th in 1989.

Time to remember
Did you have a good Memorial Day? I took time to think about a brave soul who sacrificed himself so the rest of us can be safe. But enough about Madonna’s fiancé, let’s remember the soldiers.

How hot is it?
It is so hot in New York City, Madonna had a hot flash and actually cooled down.

Boom
President Barack Obama has nominated the first Hispanic Supreme Court judge nominee, Sonia Sotomayor; that noise you just heard was Lou Dobbs’s head exploding.

Sure sign
The juicy gossip is actress Kate Hudson was seen making out in a club with Alex Rodriguez; they really went at it too, the next day Kate tested positive for steroids.

Makes sense to me
A survey reveals the most popular girls name in the US is Emma. The least popular girls name? Michael Jackson.

Dumb
A player on the English soccer club Chorlton Villa received a yellow card for breaking wind as an opponent took a penalty kick. Apparently it was considered a fragrant foul. This just in: I just received a yellow card for that stupid joke.

Not good
The Chicago Cubs have now lost eight games in a row. To give you an idea how bad it is, you know the Cubs’ famous Billy Goat curse? That Billy Goat just got the swine flu.

Nut job
In Florida, Buffalo Bill running back, Corey McIntyre, was arrested after getting caught fondling himself outside a woman’s bedroom window. This McIntyre guy must be some kind of whacko.

Give him that much
A player on the English soccer club Chorlton Villa received a yellow card for breaking wind as an opponent took a penalty kick. But to the soccer player’s defense, he didn’t use his hands.

We can only hope
Osama bin Laden’s chef is in New York facing criminal charges. Fingers crossed, one day we could nab bin Laden’s aroma therapist, masseuse and pedicurist.