What, what, what, what, what, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
Makes sense
Dog experts claim the first dog’s name, Bo, is a problem because it rhymes with no. That is silly. Instead of yelling no when Bo makes a mistake in the White House they’ll just yell “Bush!”
In lieu
In sad news, the first famous porn star, Marilyn Chambers passed away at 54. In lieu of flowers please send Marilyn’s favorite charity a money shot.
Whew
I can’t tell you how relieved I am to find out the first dog, Bo, is a Portuguese water dog. At first I thought it was that thing on Rod Blagojevich’s head.
Who knew?
More information is coming out about the Navy Seal mission against the Somali pirates. They shot all three pirates at the same time. Which is interesting because Somali is an ancient Arabic word that means: Cheney’s Hunting Partners.
The only one
Sadly, after nearly 30 years of marriage, Mel Gibson is getting divorced from his wife, Robyn. Mel stands to lose half of one billion dollars. This makes Mel Gibson the only man in the world who wished he had invested with Bernie Madoff.
Why?
Sadly, after nearly 30 years of marriage, Mel Gibson is getting divorced from his wife, Robyn. Mel stands to lose half of his estimated one billion dollars. And for reasons I am not sure, another $50 million will go to Heather Mills.
Unless
You have to pay your taxes. Unless of course you are on President Obama’s cabinet.
Hate to hear that
Some more bad news for President Obama. You know their new dog, Bo? Turns out he is way behind in his taxes.
Much better
Dog experts say there could be a problem with the new first dog’s name, Bo, because it rhymes with no. Still Bo is better than their first name idea: Osama bin lickin’.
Not good
Sadly, Mel Gibson is getting a divorce. The settlement will not be pretty. It didn’t help Mel when he asked his wife’s divorce attorney if he was a Jew.
That weasel
The key to tax season is getting a good accountant. I’m not sure about my accountant. He’s the weasel who helped the Somali pirates claim their parrots as dependents.
Since you asked:
This whole Facebook thing is just one big Larry David “Curb Your Enthusiasm” episode waiting to happen.
(Jeff and Larry at a bar. Jeff has his laptop open on the bar)
Jeff
Uh, Larry, my client Harold called. He said you didn’t approve him as a facebook friend. Why wouldn’t you approve him as a friend?
Larry
Because I don’t know the guy.
Jeff
But he is my best client. He knows everyone we know
Larry
So? That doesn’t mean I know the guy. Besides, Jason Alexander told me he made some guy he didn’t know a facebook friend and the guy turns out to be a psycho George Costanza fan and bugs him all day.
Jeff
Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're pretty much stalker safe. But my client, Harold, knows you know he asked you to be his friend. And now he says he’ll cancel me as a friend if you don’t make him a friend.
Larry
OK, fine, when I go home I will click on his thing and make him my facebook friend. But for the record, I already don’t like the pushy, needy douche bag.
Cut to: Larry sits down at his desk, he gets an evil grin on his face and starts typing furiously on his computer. His cell phone rings.
Jeff (Hysterical)
“What the hell did you do that for?”
Larry
What?
Jeff
“Jesus, Larry, on facebook you called my client Harold a f-ing douche bag and you said I gave great bl*w jobs!”
Larry
Relax, it was just a joke. I just put it on your wall thingie.
Jeff
You moron. Everyone can read my wall messages.
Larry
What are you talking about? I just put it on your wall, not everybody’s wall.
Jeff
My god, Larry, you have $300 million in the bank and you can't figure out facebook? Everyone of my friends can read your wall comments and so can all of your friends and so can all of their friends.
Larry
What are you talking about? It is just on your wall. Nobody else can see that I thought.
Jeff
All my friends, my parents, my clients, my secretary, my kids now think I bl*w you. Take it off, now!
Larry
But, but, I don’t know how to take it off.
Jeff
My god you’re an idiot. Just delete where it says delete.
Larry frantically types away on his computer.
Larry
Oh no.
Jeff
What’d you do?
Larry
Oh no.
Jeff
You moron, what the hell did you do?
Larry (panicked)
You know that picture you e-mailed me of the, uh, rather endowed gentleman?
Jeff
Which one?
Larry
The one getting the, uh, oral favor from the goat?
Jeff (Suspiciously)
Yeah?
Larry
I somehow just made it my facebook picture.
Cut to: Larry walking into his favorite restaurant. The place goes deathly quiet when suddenly someone says in a billy goat voice:
Patron:
Hhhhheyyyy everybody, look, it’s Larrrrrrrrrry
The place breaks up, guys are making the universal sign for oral sex and falling on the ground laughing and braying like goats and sheep.
Makes sense
Dog experts claim the first dog’s name, Bo, is a problem because it rhymes with no. That is silly. Instead of yelling no when Bo makes a mistake in the White House they’ll just yell “Bush!”
In lieu
In sad news, the first famous porn star, Marilyn Chambers passed away at 54. In lieu of flowers please send Marilyn’s favorite charity a money shot.
Whew
I can’t tell you how relieved I am to find out the first dog, Bo, is a Portuguese water dog. At first I thought it was that thing on Rod Blagojevich’s head.
Who knew?
More information is coming out about the Navy Seal mission against the Somali pirates. They shot all three pirates at the same time. Which is interesting because Somali is an ancient Arabic word that means: Cheney’s Hunting Partners.
The only one
Sadly, after nearly 30 years of marriage, Mel Gibson is getting divorced from his wife, Robyn. Mel stands to lose half of one billion dollars. This makes Mel Gibson the only man in the world who wished he had invested with Bernie Madoff.
Why?
Sadly, after nearly 30 years of marriage, Mel Gibson is getting divorced from his wife, Robyn. Mel stands to lose half of his estimated one billion dollars. And for reasons I am not sure, another $50 million will go to Heather Mills.
Unless
You have to pay your taxes. Unless of course you are on President Obama’s cabinet.
Hate to hear that
Some more bad news for President Obama. You know their new dog, Bo? Turns out he is way behind in his taxes.
Much better
Dog experts say there could be a problem with the new first dog’s name, Bo, because it rhymes with no. Still Bo is better than their first name idea: Osama bin lickin’.
Not good
Sadly, Mel Gibson is getting a divorce. The settlement will not be pretty. It didn’t help Mel when he asked his wife’s divorce attorney if he was a Jew.
That weasel
The key to tax season is getting a good accountant. I’m not sure about my accountant. He’s the weasel who helped the Somali pirates claim their parrots as dependents.
Since you asked:
This whole Facebook thing is just one big Larry David “Curb Your Enthusiasm” episode waiting to happen.
(Jeff and Larry at a bar. Jeff has his laptop open on the bar)
Jeff
Uh, Larry, my client Harold called. He said you didn’t approve him as a facebook friend. Why wouldn’t you approve him as a friend?
Larry
Because I don’t know the guy.
Jeff
But he is my best client. He knows everyone we know
Larry
So? That doesn’t mean I know the guy. Besides, Jason Alexander told me he made some guy he didn’t know a facebook friend and the guy turns out to be a psycho George Costanza fan and bugs him all day.
Jeff
Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're pretty much stalker safe. But my client, Harold, knows you know he asked you to be his friend. And now he says he’ll cancel me as a friend if you don’t make him a friend.
Larry
OK, fine, when I go home I will click on his thing and make him my facebook friend. But for the record, I already don’t like the pushy, needy douche bag.
Cut to: Larry sits down at his desk, he gets an evil grin on his face and starts typing furiously on his computer. His cell phone rings.
Jeff (Hysterical)
“What the hell did you do that for?”
Larry
What?
Jeff
“Jesus, Larry, on facebook you called my client Harold a f-ing douche bag and you said I gave great bl*w jobs!”
Larry
Relax, it was just a joke. I just put it on your wall thingie.
Jeff
You moron. Everyone can read my wall messages.
Larry
What are you talking about? I just put it on your wall, not everybody’s wall.
Jeff
My god, Larry, you have $300 million in the bank and you can't figure out facebook? Everyone of my friends can read your wall comments and so can all of your friends and so can all of their friends.
Larry
What are you talking about? It is just on your wall. Nobody else can see that I thought.
Jeff
All my friends, my parents, my clients, my secretary, my kids now think I bl*w you. Take it off, now!
Larry
But, but, I don’t know how to take it off.
Jeff
My god you’re an idiot. Just delete where it says delete.
Larry frantically types away on his computer.
Larry
Oh no.
Jeff
What’d you do?
Larry
Oh no.
Jeff
You moron, what the hell did you do?
Larry (panicked)
You know that picture you e-mailed me of the, uh, rather endowed gentleman?
Jeff
Which one?
Larry
The one getting the, uh, oral favor from the goat?
Jeff (Suspiciously)
Yeah?
Larry
I somehow just made it my facebook picture.
Cut to: Larry walking into his favorite restaurant. The place goes deathly quiet when suddenly someone says in a billy goat voice:
Patron:
Hhhhheyyyy everybody, look, it’s Larrrrrrrrrry
The place breaks up, guys are making the universal sign for oral sex and falling on the ground laughing and braying like goats and sheep.
posted by Alex at
10:25 AM
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