What I done got was a righteous beat-down from the hair fairy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Now experts are saying that the new first dog name Bo will be a problem because it rhymes with no. Still it is better than the first name they picked: Hoobastank.


It was so cold at the Chicago Cubs 4-0 home opener against the Colorado Rockies, the players were injecting chicken soup in their butts. It was tough on the announcers. You try and say Fukudome when your teeth are chattering.


The San Diego Padres upset the New York Mets grand opening of their new bailout ballyard, Citi Field, 6-5. Tough off season for the Mets. Their owner lost $200 million to Bernie Madoff and their fans lost a personality contest to Phil Spector.

But the acoustics in the new park are amazing. Players can hear fans from every seat tell them to go screw themselves.

Since you asked:

I'm starting to figure out how this facebook thing works. You only update it when you have just swam with sharks in the great barrier reef or met the Pope in the Vatican or watched the entire game from inside the Yankee dugout.

You don't update it when you are killing time in the unemployment line or in the doctor's waiting room while worried if that odd-looking rash is infected.

And only take pictures of yourself after you've trained all summer for that triathlon or been skiing for a week in the Alps. Do not post your DUI mugshot or the picture your buddy took of you passed out on the bathroom floor of that dive bar in Trenton.