Taking it to the streets, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
That big, huh?
A woman in California had eight babies. It was a good thing, right before she delivered her stomach was as big as Aretha Franklin’s hat.
How cold is it?
It is so cold in Washington DC ten people tried to crawl inside of Aretha Franklin’s hat.
The next thing
A hot selling item now is the Snuggie: a blanket with sleeves. What will they think of next? A pillow with pockets? A Pillocket?
Relief
Barack Obama is attempting to make torture illegal in the US. So, guys, good news, that means no “Bride Wars” sequel.
Same thing
Jose Conseco fought Danny Bonaduce to a celebrity boxing match. Celebrity boxing match? Really? Calling Conseco and Bonaduce celebrities is like calling Dick Cheney a humanitarian.
Just a guess
In Japan, seven diners were sickened after eating the delicacy poison blowfish testicles; I'm not a nutritionist, but I think the reason they fell ill was because they ate poisoned blowfish testicles.
For the love of god, get some help Jeremy Piven.
Going well
The transition at the White House is going well. They almost have gotten all the rabid bats and tarantulas out of Dick Cheney’s sulfur-smoke belching cave.
Bizaro world
Brazil soccer star Robinho was arrested in England for sexual assault on an 18-year-old woman. A soccer player is accused of sexually assaulting a woman and an NBA player, Eddy Curry, is charged with sexual harassment buy a guy? My world makes no sense anymore.
Please
Helmet head Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich is running around TV shows crying about being persecuted. It is the worst case of mistaken martyrdom since Michael Jackson complained about not being named baby sitter of the year.
Since you asked:
The other night I had a mild epiphany the likes of which deserves to be utterly ignored.
It suddenly hit me, as I was yawning and checking my watch on a minute-to-minute basis waiting for that three hour period between 11:00 PM and 11:35 PM and the start of “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” (Yes, I DVR record it, but I love to watch it live when I think I have a joke on)
The core of all human entertainment, movies, TV, books, radio, restaurants, bars, music, clubs and most if not all recreational drug use and alcohol abuse and proscription drug use, as well as many relationships, are all aimed at the same instinctive prehistoric need to make it through the night.
No less than the great John Lennon himself sang; “Whatever gets you through the night is alright.”
Now I can hear people say;
“No, I love the night, I am a night owl.”
Do you really love the night or do you just love the things that are available to help get you through the night? My contention is the people who are the most active at night are really the most afraid of the night and they are whistling through the graveyard.
Not that long ago, in the grand scheme of things, night was terrifying to our ancient ancestors because there were predators better adapted to hunt at night than we were. We had to find a safe place and hold up and hopefully sleep. The sight of daylight meant we lived to see another day.
When I was a little kid, the nightlight was a big controversy. Mother wanted and it and Dad thought it was a crutch and that kids should toughen up and get used to the dark. With my brother it was not an option. He had to have a nightlight, and when I slept in the room with him on trips and such, I had it too.
Until one night we were visiting my Grandmother in Louisville, the sweater my brother threw on the chair next to the nightlight caught on fire and we woke up to a literally blazing red sweater. To my four-year-older brother’s credit he got up and put the sweater out and went back to bed. It was the first and last calm act of bravery of his life. But he probably saved all of our lives.
From that moment on the only thing more terrifying to me than the dark was a nightlight.
Think of all the mythology and literature that has terrifying creatures that only come out at night. The unspoken star of those stories isn’t werewolves or vampires, it is night and or darkness itself. It has been said that darkness is the only non-physically harmful thing that all humans are terrified of, excuse my preposition. And for many darkness is their worst fear.
There is a great line from the old Huron chief in “Last of the Mohicans.”
“The white men came into our world and night entered our day.”
Night has been synonymous with depression and hard times forever. The dark ages?
It is my assertion that the deep rooted terror and motivation to pass the time at night and make it to the safe morning is what inspires a lot of human endeavors. That is why we are a people who put so much stock in our story tellers and entertainers.
And even idiot joke tellers.
That theory and $5 will get you a cup of coffee at the Starbucks they are about to close.
That big, huh?
A woman in California had eight babies. It was a good thing, right before she delivered her stomach was as big as Aretha Franklin’s hat.
How cold is it?
It is so cold in Washington DC ten people tried to crawl inside of Aretha Franklin’s hat.
The next thing
A hot selling item now is the Snuggie: a blanket with sleeves. What will they think of next? A pillow with pockets? A Pillocket?
Relief
Barack Obama is attempting to make torture illegal in the US. So, guys, good news, that means no “Bride Wars” sequel.
Same thing
Jose Conseco fought Danny Bonaduce to a celebrity boxing match. Celebrity boxing match? Really? Calling Conseco and Bonaduce celebrities is like calling Dick Cheney a humanitarian.
Just a guess
In Japan, seven diners were sickened after eating the delicacy poison blowfish testicles; I'm not a nutritionist, but I think the reason they fell ill was because they ate poisoned blowfish testicles.
For the love of god, get some help Jeremy Piven.
Going well
The transition at the White House is going well. They almost have gotten all the rabid bats and tarantulas out of Dick Cheney’s sulfur-smoke belching cave.
Bizaro world
Brazil soccer star Robinho was arrested in England for sexual assault on an 18-year-old woman. A soccer player is accused of sexually assaulting a woman and an NBA player, Eddy Curry, is charged with sexual harassment buy a guy? My world makes no sense anymore.
Please
Helmet head Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich is running around TV shows crying about being persecuted. It is the worst case of mistaken martyrdom since Michael Jackson complained about not being named baby sitter of the year.
Since you asked:
The other night I had a mild epiphany the likes of which deserves to be utterly ignored.
It suddenly hit me, as I was yawning and checking my watch on a minute-to-minute basis waiting for that three hour period between 11:00 PM and 11:35 PM and the start of “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” (Yes, I DVR record it, but I love to watch it live when I think I have a joke on)
The core of all human entertainment, movies, TV, books, radio, restaurants, bars, music, clubs and most if not all recreational drug use and alcohol abuse and proscription drug use, as well as many relationships, are all aimed at the same instinctive prehistoric need to make it through the night.
No less than the great John Lennon himself sang; “Whatever gets you through the night is alright.”
Now I can hear people say;
“No, I love the night, I am a night owl.”
Do you really love the night or do you just love the things that are available to help get you through the night? My contention is the people who are the most active at night are really the most afraid of the night and they are whistling through the graveyard.
Not that long ago, in the grand scheme of things, night was terrifying to our ancient ancestors because there were predators better adapted to hunt at night than we were. We had to find a safe place and hold up and hopefully sleep. The sight of daylight meant we lived to see another day.
When I was a little kid, the nightlight was a big controversy. Mother wanted and it and Dad thought it was a crutch and that kids should toughen up and get used to the dark. With my brother it was not an option. He had to have a nightlight, and when I slept in the room with him on trips and such, I had it too.
Until one night we were visiting my Grandmother in Louisville, the sweater my brother threw on the chair next to the nightlight caught on fire and we woke up to a literally blazing red sweater. To my four-year-older brother’s credit he got up and put the sweater out and went back to bed. It was the first and last calm act of bravery of his life. But he probably saved all of our lives.
From that moment on the only thing more terrifying to me than the dark was a nightlight.
Think of all the mythology and literature that has terrifying creatures that only come out at night. The unspoken star of those stories isn’t werewolves or vampires, it is night and or darkness itself. It has been said that darkness is the only non-physically harmful thing that all humans are terrified of, excuse my preposition. And for many darkness is their worst fear.
There is a great line from the old Huron chief in “Last of the Mohicans.”
“The white men came into our world and night entered our day.”
Night has been synonymous with depression and hard times forever. The dark ages?
It is my assertion that the deep rooted terror and motivation to pass the time at night and make it to the safe morning is what inspires a lot of human endeavors. That is why we are a people who put so much stock in our story tellers and entertainers.
And even idiot joke tellers.
That theory and $5 will get you a cup of coffee at the Starbucks they are about to close.
posted by Alex at
1:02 PM
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