Avast there and hold fast says I, harr, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Messy

To commiserate a tough season for the Giants, New York bars are offering a Plaxico Burris special: you get a free shot if you throw a shot down your sweat pants.

A gayer act than Clay Aikens

Nine men in Senegal were sentenced to eight years in prison for gay acts. So they can go to prison and commit really gay acts.,

So what constitutes a gay act? Performing the musical “Cats” in an overly-flamboyant way?

Impressive

Historians and sports experts generally agree Barack Obama is the fittest president in history. Do you know who our second fittest president was? Bill Clinton. He once did fifty push ups in a row. And that was just on one intern.

Not that there is anything wrong with it

New York Knick Eddy Curry is being sued by his former limo driver for sexual harassment. Curry was suspected of being gay due to his style of trash talking: “You’re decorator says your window treatments are tres gauche.”

The first stud

Historians and sports experts generally agree Barack Obama is the most athletic president in history. President Bush was extremely fit, he just wasn’t coordinated. For example, during his last term, Bush couldn’t find his butt with both hands.

Not pretty

Not everyone is glad President Bush is out. Here it is only two days since President Bush left office and a record number 32 comedy writers are in hospitals on suicide watch.