Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Poke-salad Annie, gator got your grannie, arrreewwww, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

And lift with your legs

V.P. Dick Cheney was confined to a wheel chair at the inauguration due to straining his back packing. Let that be a lesson to you: always drain your water board before lifting it to pack it.

Besides that

Today was a truly historic and unforgettable day; and besides the one millionth Geico commercial, Barack Obama was sworn in as President.

Is it just me?

Our new President is a great speech maker, but is it just me or does President Obama do that Capt. Kirk dramatic . . . pause . . . thing . . a lot?

That guy

The US Airways pilot Hudson river hero, Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger is being thrust into the limelight. Or as John McCain calls him: Joe the Pilot.


Now that President Bush’s last days are here I saw something truly pathetic; I walked into the monologue writer’s room and they were all sitting around crying and listening to the Hall and Oates version of “Baby Come Back.”

Real fear

The Hudson river hero pilot, Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger III, is going to make the talk show circuit. If “Sully” thought landing a powerless plane on a New York river was scary? Wait until he tries to land a word in on “The View.”

Not low on ammo

Studies indicate, due to high gas costs, driving was way down in 2008. In fact, in Los Angeles, driving was so low a lot of people didn’t even need to reload their guns all summer.

That explains it

An English newscaster was taken off air because it sounded like she was breathing hard in a sexual way while reading the news. When asked, the reporter confessed the story she read about that hot stud, Dick Cheney, drove her wild.

That explains it, 2

Bruce Springsteen sang at the pre-inaugural concert; Springsteen is great but why was he singing “Come on up for the Visine?” Oh, it was “Come on up for the rising”? That makes more sense. I thought it was some corporate plug.

Relax, it’s just a joke

The US Airways pilot Hudson river hero, Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger is going to make the talk show circuit. Can you imagine when “Sully” goes on “The View”? Joy Behar is mad he didn’t turn left, Elisabeth Hasselback wanted him to go right, and Whoopie Goldberg gets offended every time he mentions the black box.

Was it just me?
Or did Dick Cheney in his inauguration wheelchair remind anyone of that guy in “The Big Lebowski”? “The war is over, Mr. Lebowski, the bums lost. Condolences.”