Snap that, Slap that and Tap that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
New Jersey’s oldest man died at 111. You know why he lived so long? He didn’t want to be caught dead in New Jersey. (We kid the beautiful Garden State, J-Dawg Money)
In a speech in Michigan, Joe Biden said that John McCain is the sequel to President Bush and that the sequel is always worse than the original. Hello? Am I the only one who saw “Deuce Bigalow European Gigilo?”
At a rally in Florida, Barack Obama was interrupted by protesters from a group called “Blacks Against Obama.” Afterwards “Blacks Against Obama” celebrated by getting their very own booth at TGIF.
Economists continue to call what’s happening on Wall Street “a correction.” That’s like calling what happened to Sarah Palin’s 16-year-old daughter a slight display of affection.
At a rally in Florida, Barack Obama was interrupted by protesters from a group called “Blacks Against Obama.” “Blacks Against Obama” has one more member than the two smallest political groups: “Straight Males for Hillary” and “Anyone for Ralph Nader.”
A spokesperson for John McCain announced Sarah Palin will not talk to the press “Until reporters can address her with respect and deference.” And then they added, “Now sit up straight and finish your vegetables or you’re going to your room.”
Sculptor Bruno Lucchesi unveiled his statue of 1959 Heisman trophy winner, Ernie Davis, at Syracuse with a modern-day helmet and a pair of Nikes on his feet. Currently, Luccesi is working on a statue of Babe Ruth text messaging Lou Gehrig.
A 33-year-old mother in Wisconsin tried to steal her 15-year-old daughter’s identity to try out for the high school cheerleading team. Bless the white trash, they just keep getting classier and smarter.
A 33-year-old mother in Wisconsin tried to steal her 15-year-old daughter’s identity to try out for the high school cheerleading team. Authorities are shocked a person could smoke that much crystal meth and still live.
A 33-year-old mother in Wisconsin tried to steal her 15-year-old daughter’s identity to try out for the high school cheerleading team. Have you seen the woman’s mug shot? Forget cheerleading, this woman is so old and ugly she couldn’t make the biology department’s cadaver team.
Since you asked:
My ten-year-old daughter Ann Caroline amazes me and not just when she is on a soccer field faking out a defender in a breakaway and drilling a ball past the goalie, or running down and knocking away a breakaway to save a goal.
Ann Caroline loves doing homework.
She excitedly announces in the car coming home from school that she has a big assignment and can’t wait to get it started. (This is when I think of having her take a DNA test, but then I remember her soccer playing and I am comforted that she is, in part, mine)
When Ann Caroline gets home, she runs into the living room and eagerly unpacks her books and papers and proceeds to neatly organize them on the two couches and the coffee table. Then she hops around on her knees on the oriental rug, referencing the books and jotting down answers quietly and happily muttering and humming to herself.
One time I looked in at her and she was on the phone with one of her friends in class and they were discussing a project on volcanoes;
“Should I open with Mount Saint Helens or Pompei?” She said while reviewing pictures she had printed off the Internet like a designer looking at swatches. “Uh huh. Hmm. Well the lava statues of the Pompei victims are dramatic. Yes, but Mount Saint Helens is more current . . .”
At ten years old, she has all the confidence and self assurance of a Master of the Universe; she looks like a big shot politician polishing his speech or a Madison Avenue tycoon reviewing a huge advertising presentation. Or a studio executive listening to a movie pitch.
“OK, give it to me in twenty words or less.”
Sorry for the shameless Daddy bragging, but I don’t know where she gets it, but she’s got it. Something makes me think a lot of the credit does go to soccer. She has learned early that working hard and having fun can be the same thing. But the most important things to her are her family – including the dogs - and her friends. Her priorities came fully organized and installed.
She may get some of it from watching her Mom, my wife, Virginia, because she loves her corporate loan clients and does well at her job as a lender/banker. Or possibly watching me dive into writing jokes on the ‘puter with glee or dancing around and singing while grilling outside.
But it probably just comes from her.
Speaking of the dogs and the new grill, the new barbeque island is this massive L-shaped aircraft carrier made out of stucco with a sandstone top. (When the big one goes off that is where I am headed. It looks like a bunker) It has two double steel doors for storage under the 34-inch all-stainless steel grill, arr, arr, arr, arr, a sink and a small refrigerator and a ton of counter space.
What I didn’t know was the workers had slightly moved the refrigerator gearing up to hooking it up. As I was getting ready to grill some of my world famous grilled quesadillas,* I went outside to fire up the grill. After it had heated up a touch, I went searching for the big wooden grill wire brush to brush clean the grill.
So I bent over and popped open one of the steel double doors.
No sooner than I could yell “Ahhhhh” at the top of my lungs, out popped Wrigley. (The youngest and clowniest of our two yellow labs) That chowder-head dog nearly scared me to death. He had squeezed in between the space in the island for the refrigerator and the refrigerator, but somehow couldn’t figure out how to get back out. He’d only been in there for a few minutes, but he wanted out now and practically jumped on top of me.
As soon as I was sure I wasn’t going to have a heart attack, I was laughing my ass off. He is now unofficially the “Pop goes the weasel” dog.
* Get a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store or your local version of Costco. Pull off the chicken meat and store it in a plastic Tupperware-like container.
Buy homemade flour tortillas – much better than the big brands – and take one and liberally spread out shredded Monterey jack cheese. Liberally add chicken chunks and chopped green Chilis. (Mild, not hot) Cover with another tortilla for the second layer and repeat. Cover with the third tortilla. Smoosh down pretty good with your palm to flatten and evenly distribute the cheese and chicken.
Preheat the grill to about 400 or 500. Place the quesadillas (I usually make two) on the grill, rotate 90 degrees after a minute and a half or so and then flip, rotate and bam. You should see cross grill marks but don’t burn the tortillas. Place a tin foil tent top and serve it with refried beans, blue corn chips and a fruit salad. Cut the quesadillas into quarters.
Bam the plate with chopped cilantro and spoon on fresh salsa on top of the quartered quesadillas.
Crispy and crunchy on the outside and gewey and soft chewy on the inside plus it picks up some smoke flavor from the grill.
You’re welcome, bitches.
New Jersey’s oldest man died at 111. You know why he lived so long? He didn’t want to be caught dead in New Jersey. (We kid the beautiful Garden State, J-Dawg Money)
In a speech in Michigan, Joe Biden said that John McCain is the sequel to President Bush and that the sequel is always worse than the original. Hello? Am I the only one who saw “Deuce Bigalow European Gigilo?”
At a rally in Florida, Barack Obama was interrupted by protesters from a group called “Blacks Against Obama.” Afterwards “Blacks Against Obama” celebrated by getting their very own booth at TGIF.
Economists continue to call what’s happening on Wall Street “a correction.” That’s like calling what happened to Sarah Palin’s 16-year-old daughter a slight display of affection.
At a rally in Florida, Barack Obama was interrupted by protesters from a group called “Blacks Against Obama.” “Blacks Against Obama” has one more member than the two smallest political groups: “Straight Males for Hillary” and “Anyone for Ralph Nader.”
A spokesperson for John McCain announced Sarah Palin will not talk to the press “Until reporters can address her with respect and deference.” And then they added, “Now sit up straight and finish your vegetables or you’re going to your room.”
Sculptor Bruno Lucchesi unveiled his statue of 1959 Heisman trophy winner, Ernie Davis, at Syracuse with a modern-day helmet and a pair of Nikes on his feet. Currently, Luccesi is working on a statue of Babe Ruth text messaging Lou Gehrig.
A 33-year-old mother in Wisconsin tried to steal her 15-year-old daughter’s identity to try out for the high school cheerleading team. Bless the white trash, they just keep getting classier and smarter.
A 33-year-old mother in Wisconsin tried to steal her 15-year-old daughter’s identity to try out for the high school cheerleading team. Authorities are shocked a person could smoke that much crystal meth and still live.
A 33-year-old mother in Wisconsin tried to steal her 15-year-old daughter’s identity to try out for the high school cheerleading team. Have you seen the woman’s mug shot? Forget cheerleading, this woman is so old and ugly she couldn’t make the biology department’s cadaver team.
Since you asked:
My ten-year-old daughter Ann Caroline amazes me and not just when she is on a soccer field faking out a defender in a breakaway and drilling a ball past the goalie, or running down and knocking away a breakaway to save a goal.
Ann Caroline loves doing homework.
She excitedly announces in the car coming home from school that she has a big assignment and can’t wait to get it started. (This is when I think of having her take a DNA test, but then I remember her soccer playing and I am comforted that she is, in part, mine)
When Ann Caroline gets home, she runs into the living room and eagerly unpacks her books and papers and proceeds to neatly organize them on the two couches and the coffee table. Then she hops around on her knees on the oriental rug, referencing the books and jotting down answers quietly and happily muttering and humming to herself.
One time I looked in at her and she was on the phone with one of her friends in class and they were discussing a project on volcanoes;
“Should I open with Mount Saint Helens or Pompei?” She said while reviewing pictures she had printed off the Internet like a designer looking at swatches. “Uh huh. Hmm. Well the lava statues of the Pompei victims are dramatic. Yes, but Mount Saint Helens is more current . . .”
At ten years old, she has all the confidence and self assurance of a Master of the Universe; she looks like a big shot politician polishing his speech or a Madison Avenue tycoon reviewing a huge advertising presentation. Or a studio executive listening to a movie pitch.
“OK, give it to me in twenty words or less.”
Sorry for the shameless Daddy bragging, but I don’t know where she gets it, but she’s got it. Something makes me think a lot of the credit does go to soccer. She has learned early that working hard and having fun can be the same thing. But the most important things to her are her family – including the dogs - and her friends. Her priorities came fully organized and installed.
She may get some of it from watching her Mom, my wife, Virginia, because she loves her corporate loan clients and does well at her job as a lender/banker. Or possibly watching me dive into writing jokes on the ‘puter with glee or dancing around and singing while grilling outside.
But it probably just comes from her.
Speaking of the dogs and the new grill, the new barbeque island is this massive L-shaped aircraft carrier made out of stucco with a sandstone top. (When the big one goes off that is where I am headed. It looks like a bunker) It has two double steel doors for storage under the 34-inch all-stainless steel grill, arr, arr, arr, arr, a sink and a small refrigerator and a ton of counter space.
What I didn’t know was the workers had slightly moved the refrigerator gearing up to hooking it up. As I was getting ready to grill some of my world famous grilled quesadillas,* I went outside to fire up the grill. After it had heated up a touch, I went searching for the big wooden grill wire brush to brush clean the grill.
So I bent over and popped open one of the steel double doors.
No sooner than I could yell “Ahhhhh” at the top of my lungs, out popped Wrigley. (The youngest and clowniest of our two yellow labs) That chowder-head dog nearly scared me to death. He had squeezed in between the space in the island for the refrigerator and the refrigerator, but somehow couldn’t figure out how to get back out. He’d only been in there for a few minutes, but he wanted out now and practically jumped on top of me.
As soon as I was sure I wasn’t going to have a heart attack, I was laughing my ass off. He is now unofficially the “Pop goes the weasel” dog.
* Get a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store or your local version of Costco. Pull off the chicken meat and store it in a plastic Tupperware-like container.
Buy homemade flour tortillas – much better than the big brands – and take one and liberally spread out shredded Monterey jack cheese. Liberally add chicken chunks and chopped green Chilis. (Mild, not hot) Cover with another tortilla for the second layer and repeat. Cover with the third tortilla. Smoosh down pretty good with your palm to flatten and evenly distribute the cheese and chicken.
Preheat the grill to about 400 or 500. Place the quesadillas (I usually make two) on the grill, rotate 90 degrees after a minute and a half or so and then flip, rotate and bam. You should see cross grill marks but don’t burn the tortillas. Place a tin foil tent top and serve it with refried beans, blue corn chips and a fruit salad. Cut the quesadillas into quarters.
Bam the plate with chopped cilantro and spoon on fresh salsa on top of the quartered quesadillas.
Crispy and crunchy on the outside and gewey and soft chewy on the inside plus it picks up some smoke flavor from the grill.
You’re welcome, bitches.
posted by Alex at
6:49 AM
<< Home