You can thumb it but you don’t has to dumb it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
(A plea for more intelligent text messages)

New advances
A company has made a solar powered vibrator. This could result in the first time any woman has said; “Please move, you’re standing in my orgasm.”

Awkward
You had to feel sorry for President Bush at this Republican convention; he’s like the really drunk and crazy Uncle at the family reunion everybody is trying to ignore. “Don’t look now, but Uncle W. just took his pants off.”

Uh, no sir, that’s not, oh forget it
It was awkward when journalists wrote about President Bush speaking to the convention via satellite, Bush said; “I weren’t up in no satellite, I was in the White House, boy.”

Knew she looked familiar
How about that speech from Sarah Palin? Sarah Palin reminds me of the woman amazed by Bounty paper towel’s absorption in “The quicker-picker-upper” commercials.

How about that speech from Sarah Palin? Is it just me or does Sarah Palin look like the woman in the adjoining bathtub in the Cialis commercial?

Not nice
I thought it was in bad taste when the democrats showed a picture of Sarah Palin to the song “Mrs. Robinson” and then cut to her pregnant teenage daughter to the Fergie song “My Humps.”

Moved
Even the democrats were impressed with Sarah Palin’s speech. In fact, John Edwards offered to discuss her speech with her over a late dinner at a quiet little Italian place he knows.

Even the democrats were impressed with Sarah Palin’s speech. In fact, John Edwards sent her a note congratulating her and asking Sarah if she wanted to play the ruler-wielding librarian in a game of “Naughty School Boy.”

Low blow
Barack Obama promised his two daughters a dog if he is elected president. Oh, like that’s fair. Vote for Barack. Unless you don’t want two cute little girls to get a widdle bitty puppy!

Cute
One of my favorite moments during the democratic convention is when they cut to Barack Obama’s daughters during an applause break and showed them standing up to clap, but the younger one turned around all pissed off to see who had just prodded her from behind.


That explains it
A study has found that Canada is one of the leading suppliers of the drug Ecstasy. This finally explains Canadians ability to tolerate that snooty Alex Trebek.

Since you asked:

New Pet Peeve

Something tells me I've mentioned this before, but don't read this if you don't want to suddenly realize you see it/hear it everywhere and it will drive you nuts.

Believe me, I love that we are more casual. But a friend of mine just got back from a funeral and reported that there were many, many people there in shorts and sandals. Last night I went to my daughter's fifth grade open house and because I had a dress button-down shirt, long pants and shoes, I counted as one of the best dressed there. And the pants were blue jeans. One guy had a suit on. This wasn't just one class, this was all of the school's fifth grade parents.

OK, this is California and I love that we can wear comfortable clothes year round. That means lots of time in all manner of sandals, flip flops - formally thongs - and, yes, even Crocs. No socks though, please.

But, because these types of shoes are looser fitting that means you may have to go to a teeny, tiny bit more trouble not to scuffle them along the ground. How much more effort does it take someone just to pick up their feet enough so that they don't make annoying, lazy, dumb-slob-bastard "schlop, schlop, schlop" noises when they walk?

The next time you see some overly-entitled helmet dumb-assing their way along dragging their feet, I dare you to try not to notice that the sound their dragging shoes makes sounds eerily like:

"Douche . . . bag . . . douche . . . bag . . . douche . . . bag"

Tell that lazy-assed jamoke to pick up their stupid-assed feet.