Tuck and run, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The only two
In the Las Vegas OJ Simpson armed robbery trial, jury selection did not go well. They had to find a jury of O.J.’s peers and the only two who qualified were Phil Specter and Robert Blake.

Return of the Unaballer
Lance Armstrong may come out of retirement to race in the 2009 Tour De France; he is serious, Lance is throwing his nut back into the ring.

Aww, that’s nice
David Spade and his “Playboy” playmate girlfriend had a baby girl. It is an adorably cute little tiny bundle of joy. And besides the father, the baby is doing great as well.

Huh?
It turns out Sarah Palin used to be a member of a Pentecostal Church where the worshipers speak in tongues. When asked to comment, President Bush said; “Vlah ber fleagun pobbles schwaggle.”


I like Sarah Palin, she reminds me of the woman chopping vegetables in the kitchen who gets surprised-groped by her horny husband in the Viagra commercial.


The Verne Troyer (Mini Me) sex tape is out. Troyer tried to pay the woman for the tape but she wanted (insert pinky in mouth) a miiiiiiiilion doooooolarssssss.

Since you asked:
We are undergoing a huge backyard remodel. The important part for me is done, the grill. It is amazing. Four gas burners with a searing infrared pad and a rotisserie infrared panel, arrr, arrrr, arrrr, arrrrr. The only problem is I cannot settle on a name. So, as my good friend and regular a.L.B.b. reader, Mark O’Snickity suggested, I am opening a contest to name Lex’s new grill.

(As a point of reference, the old grill was Blazin' Bessie so points are given for corny old gal-named alliterations like Searin' Sadie, or Sizzlin' Sally)

Send me an e-mail titled “Name Lex’s New Grill to lexkase@san.rr.com

As with any big project or venture or undertaking, the important part is learning something from the experience. What have I learned from out backyard remodel?

I have learned that I hate Mexican music.

Don't get me wrong, I love our neighbors to the South. Mexico is a beautiful country rich in culture and tradition. And the men of Mexican descent working in our yard are great guys and hard workers.

But their music sucks. Mexican music is the unholy combination of all of the worst of Muzak, pop, disco and a Mariachi band. And that is saying something.

Have you seen the priceless Fey/Poehler, Palin/Clinton "SNL" skit? Brilliant. Impersonations? Perfect. Voice? Perfect. Delivery? Perfect. Writing? Hilarious. Tina Fey is a legitimate national treasure. But just about everything after that sucked. Why did they simply redo the Payton Manning locker room skit?

Should have done my Micheal Phelps big-ass-ears skit.