We retro-schooling it up in here with those neo-dinks, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


I’m sorry, what did that study say?
It is a scientific fact that men lose brain cells three times faster than women; not only that, but scientists claim that men lose their brain cells three times faster than women.

Of course we burn up three times as many brain cells, you try and come up with an honest sounding answer to the question “Will you respect me in the morning?” when you’re drunk.

Hot pot
Another medical report reveals that marijuana is twenty five times more potent than it was in the sixties. This also explains why, in the sixties, we didn’t have battered and deep fried Snickers.

Do you think pot is twenty five times stronger than it used to be? Willy Nelson never forgot to pay taxes in the Sixties.

I resemble that remark
If you ask me, all of the candidates remind me of someone else:

Is it just me or does Mitt Romney look like the smiling guy using the leaf blower in the Sears Catalog?


Is it just me or does Hillary Clinton look like the high school girls softball coach who has been promoted to assistant principal due to her glee for administering discipline?


Is it just me or does John McCain look like the Southwest pilot on the flight from San Diego to Las Vegas who won’t shut up over the intercom about the Grand Canyon?


Is it just me or does Barack Obama look like the guy playing piano in the Viva Viagra commercial?


Is it just me or does Mike Huckabee look like the guy on the late night ads pitching how to invest in real estate with no money down?


Is it just me or does Dennis Kucinich -with his hot tall wife - look like the geek loser in high school who got rich in software showing her off at the twenty-year reunion?