Apparently a Durham Divided Cannot and Will Not Stand
The leafy posh suburb of Durham, Connecticut is halfway between New York and Boston and the residents are dangerously divided between the New England Patriots and the New York Giants. Well, dangerously for Durham, Connecticut. There were scattered reports, however, of Giants fans going to the houses of Patriot fans and conducting drive-by snubbings.
In Durham, if you are wearing Giants colors and you accidentally walk into the Patriot hood, there is a good chance you could receive seriously dismissive looks.
At the formal Durham Country Club fundraiser, one of the Giant fans matrons viciously gossiped that one of the Patriot’s fans matrons new face lift and lip augmentation made her look like “a coked-out platypus.”
There are reports of Durham, Connecticut cocktail parties where, if the host is a Patriot fan, he made the Giants fan’s cocktails noticeably weaker.
Last Saturday morning, a Giant fan started his leaf blower at 7:56 am, a full four minutes ahead of the agreed starting time for weekend gas-powered lawn equipment, just to wake his Patriot fan neighbor.
Also there was a report of a Durham cocktail party where the Giant fan host hung up the Giants fans coats but threw the Patriots fans coats on a heap on the guest bed. To retaliate, the Patriots fans were seen flagrantly double-dipping their chips in the dip.
There were incidents where, in downtown Durham, Patriots fans were seen rushing right through Giant fans expecting a stop-and-chat.
One time, at the Durham Gourmet Market, a Giant fan with thirty items refused to let a Patriot fan with one item go ahead of him.
At one of the six Durham Starbucks, one Giant fan told the manager that a Patriot fan intentionally took her Grande Latte instead of the smaller Tall Latte that she actually ordered.
At the Durham health spa, one Patriot fan intentionally filled up her entire 32 ounce plastic water bottle at the filtered water cooler while letting the sweaty Giant fan wait for just a sip.
At the Durham elementary school, one Giant fan mom signaled to a double-parked and waiting Patriot fan mom that she was leaving her parking spot and she could have it, when, in fact, she sat there Boyer-like and called her fellow Giant fan yoga class partner to let her in on the joke.
To give you an idea about Durham Connecticut, it is, according to Wikipedia, 96.68% white. There are Klan meetings that aren’t that white.
The leafy posh suburb of Durham, Connecticut is halfway between New York and Boston and the residents are dangerously divided between the New England Patriots and the New York Giants. Well, dangerously for Durham, Connecticut. There were scattered reports, however, of Giants fans going to the houses of Patriot fans and conducting drive-by snubbings.
In Durham, if you are wearing Giants colors and you accidentally walk into the Patriot hood, there is a good chance you could receive seriously dismissive looks.
At the formal Durham Country Club fundraiser, one of the Giant fans matrons viciously gossiped that one of the Patriot’s fans matrons new face lift and lip augmentation made her look like “a coked-out platypus.”
There are reports of Durham, Connecticut cocktail parties where, if the host is a Patriot fan, he made the Giants fan’s cocktails noticeably weaker.
Last Saturday morning, a Giant fan started his leaf blower at 7:56 am, a full four minutes ahead of the agreed starting time for weekend gas-powered lawn equipment, just to wake his Patriot fan neighbor.
Also there was a report of a Durham cocktail party where the Giant fan host hung up the Giants fans coats but threw the Patriots fans coats on a heap on the guest bed. To retaliate, the Patriots fans were seen flagrantly double-dipping their chips in the dip.
There were incidents where, in downtown Durham, Patriots fans were seen rushing right through Giant fans expecting a stop-and-chat.
One time, at the Durham Gourmet Market, a Giant fan with thirty items refused to let a Patriot fan with one item go ahead of him.
At one of the six Durham Starbucks, one Giant fan told the manager that a Patriot fan intentionally took her Grande Latte instead of the smaller Tall Latte that she actually ordered.
At the Durham health spa, one Patriot fan intentionally filled up her entire 32 ounce plastic water bottle at the filtered water cooler while letting the sweaty Giant fan wait for just a sip.
At the Durham elementary school, one Giant fan mom signaled to a double-parked and waiting Patriot fan mom that she was leaving her parking spot and she could have it, when, in fact, she sat there Boyer-like and called her fellow Giant fan yoga class partner to let her in on the joke.
At a The Durham Steak and Chop House it was reported that a Giant fan Sommelier intentionally switched a cheaper vintage to a Patriot fan diner. (Assist: Nathan Lane)
To give you an idea about Durham Connecticut, it is, according to Wikipedia, 96.68% white. There are Klan meetings that aren’t that white.
posted by Alex at
3:59 PM
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