Thursday, January 31, 2008

Let’s take a poll, ‘cause that’s how we roll, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

For he’s a jolly, well, no he isn’t
Happy Birthday to Vice President Dick Cheney, he turns 67 today. They had a big cake and Cheney blew out the candles with his shotgun.

Happy Birthday to Vice President Dick Cheney, he turns 67 today. They had a big cake and then Cheney and his staff all took turns at playing: Pin the Tale on “Scooter” Libby.

Bold call
The New York Giants Plaxico Burress has predicted an upset win over the New England Patriots. This is, without any doubt, the boldest Super Bowl prediction ever made by a guy named Plaxico.

Guess not
John Edwards backed out of the campaign. And here we thought Edwards was the hair apparent.

Who knew?
Angelina Jolie is pregnant. (Man, that Tom Brady is a busy guy) In a surprising twist, Angelina’s baby is going to be adopted by a starving African couple.

More Tom
At the Super Bowl media day, a poor man’s Miss Haversham in a wedding dress proposed to Tom Brady. Brady politely declined. He did offer to impregnate her though, so that was nice.

A Danish study says the health benefits of exercise and moderate drinking increase when you combine exercise and moderate drinking. Unless of course you combine Jager shots before running high hurdles. Then drinking and exercise increase your chances of becoming a eunuch.

I don’t want to say that Tom Brady’s media day interview was boring, but, after hearing it, Mitt Romney told him to jazz it up.

Go figure
Los Angeles has the first medical marijuana vending machine. That’s great until you’re high and you try and get the snack vending machine next to it to work; you thought you got upset when your Oreos got stuck before?

Since you asked:
Here is my prediction for the MVP of the Super Bowl: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. If you get a chance to see Peter Bogdanavich’s documentary “Runnin’ Down a Dream” you realize how a performer and his band can be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and still be underrated. Tom and his Gainesville buddys can flat out roll out the rock.

In an odd way, TPATHB’s were their own worst enemies in that they cranked out so many hits for so long they were somewhat taken for granted. But when you see the film and the hits strung together it is an impressive volume of work.

And yet, when you hear the interviews, you get the sense that all of these guys were pretty grounded for being big shot rock stars, especially Tom Petty. What you probably didn’t realize – I didn’t- is just how hard Petty fought the suits when it came to his bad publishing deal and the price of the records.

Petty never stopped being a rock fan and because he identified with the fans so much, he took up their cause. That is probably why Petty is able to keep cranking out the high quality stuff for so long. If you hear Sting or one of the elite mega rock stars speak, you get the feeling they would rather die than leave their Mansion to go to a small club to hear a band, let alone perform in small club with a band. TPATHB’s love to do that.

So rock that Super Bowl, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. And no wardrobe malfunctions.

Thus having openly declared my love for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, does that mean I can’t make jokes about them? Oh, hell no. If you are so wrapped up about a topic that you can’t write a joke about it, you should seriously consider going to a proctologist and having your cranium removed.

So Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are the Super Bowl half time performers? I guess that means that, not only is the Super Bowl being played in Glendale, Arizona, but apparently it is also being played in 1983.

So Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are the Super Bowl half time performers? Since these guys aren’t getting any younger, the question is will there be a wardrobe malfunction? Depends.

Don’t get me wrong, as David Letterman said it so well, I stand behind no man in my admiration of the Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, but is it just me or does Tom Petty look like a lesbian on a hunger strike?

You know who is a big fan of Tom Petty? Stevie Nicks. They've collaborated on several hits. She sings the bass, he sings the soprano.

You can tell Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are getting up there. Here is the list of their updated hits:

“Runnin’ Down a Bathroom”

“Breakdown a hip”

“Listen to her heart (And hear an irregular beat)

“Retiree” (Formerly “Refuge”)

“I Need To Know” (Because I can’t remember)

“Here Comes My Girl (Bless That Viagra)