Went out and got my vote on, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

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Here it is Tuesday after the Super Bowl and New York is still celebrating; in Times Square the hookers are offering a New York Giant special: for an extra $50 they will Plaxico your Burress.

For an extra $100, they will even Eli your Manning.

And for another $25 they will give you a Strahan.

Here is Tuesday after the Super Bowl and New York is still celebrating the Giants win. It is so wild in New York, two rats took a hayride on top of Donald Trump’s hair.

Big doings
Because of the Super Bowl, Sunday was Super Sunday and, because of the primary, today is Super Tuesday. And on Wednesday at the Olive Garden it is Soup or Salad.

Tossing it in
Fiery former Indiana coach Bobby Knight resigned from Texas Tech. He threw in the towel which happened to be attached to a chair.

Eww
A German airline is offering naked flights. All nude flights. Their slogan is “We love to fly and it shows on the seats.”

Their slogan is “Wanna Get Away? From Your Pants?”

After United announced they are charging for a second bag many airlines will probably do the same. This is really bad news for those guys on the German all-naked flights.

Amazing
The Super Bowl was watched by over 90 million people, the second biggest TV ratings since the last episode of “M.A.S.H.” But the Super Bowl was actually watched by some people who weren’t white.

Youch
A German airline is offering naked flights. All nude flights. Guys, can you imagine hanging out in your seat? This would be one flight where you’re relieved the beverage cart hit your knee.

Since you asked:
Nobody stands ahead of me in my admiration of the David Letterman, but I was so disappointed at how he sucked up to that vapid world class tool, Paris Hilton.

Many months ago, Dave had Paris on right after she got out of jail and, like everyone else in the entire world, Dave wanted to know about her prison stay. Paris didn’t want to talk about her prison stay, she actually thought people wanted to hear about what cheesy project she was whoring out.

But Dave pressed on and Paris started pouting to the point where she was about to cry and finally she whined; “I don’t want to talk about jail anymore.” And, bless his quintuple bypass heart, Dave said;

“Well, now that’s the difference between you and me because that’s all I want to talk about.”

Well, apparently Paris left with a big ol’ massive poopy diaper and she swore she would never, ever go on Dave’s show again. Good. Great. Mission accomplished. Now we just need to do the same on Jay, Conan, Craig and Jimmy and Jon.

But no, Dave has her people call his people and he calls Paris and gets on bended knee. It was a suck up fest like no other. Why do we, as a society, and Dave in particular, feel the need to keep throwing gasoline on this Paris Hilton fire? She is not an actress, she is not a model, she is not a singer, she is not, by the largest margin of all, vaguely interesting.

And, although the whole package can look glamorous dressed up and Vogue’ing on the red carpet, Paris isn’t that attractive. She has fried out bleached hair, a droopy eye, an Owen Wilson Penis Nose Starter Set, a clownish round chin, she has no breasts, she is skinnier than a push broom and she has man hands and feet.

Oh, and did I fail to mention Paris happens to be dumber than a drunken pack mule?

Re: Voting

Not voting is never going to be an option for me since the morning I literally supported my brave but frail mother, Ann Rodgers Kaseberg, to get out and vote at a church on a rainy, cold and dreary spring Chicago day. That day would turn out to be less than a week before she passed away of breast cancer.