Nasty
Since the race is so close, political pundits are worried the surly-but-for-now-nice Clintons could get ugly fast. In fact, Hillary could get uglier than the time she found a phone number on a Hooters cocktail napkin stuffed inside Bill’s pants.
Bill Clinton could turn nastier than the time he found out the strip club’s $100 champagne bottle in the VIP room didn’t include a lap dance.
Setting a political precident
How about that Super Tuesday primary of Mike Huckabee? Political experts claim this could be the greatest comeback ever by a guy named Huckabee.
Eli’s coming of age
Is it just me or does Eli Manning look like one of those guys at your door claiming to be running for student council by selling magazine subscriptions?
Eli Manning is still celebrating his Super Bowl win. It was a little awkward last night when Eli emerged from a fancy Manhattan steak house and a guy pulled up in his Hummer, handed the keys to Eli and said;
“Here’s a twenty, boy, when you park it I don’t want a scratch on her.”
Is it just me or does Eli Manning look like the kid who carries your golf clubs to the golf carts?
Is it just me or does Eli Manning look like the waiter you had at Outback Steakhouse?
Uh, no sir, that’s not, oh forget it
The White House defended the use of water boarding. It was a little awkward when President Bush went on to add; “What’s wrong with a little water boarding? Those Dudes out in California love it, only they call it: surfing. Cowabunga”
Rat time
They’re still going crazy in New York City following the Giants Super Bowl win. Yeah, at the downtown Taco Bell the rats were doing a Margarita-induced conga dance.
They’re still going crazy in New York City following the Giants Super Bowl win. In Central park I saw a squirrel pouring melted nacho cheese over his nuts.
Marion Jones sobbing press conference confessional after years of lying about steroids, take two
Not to say I told you so, but didn’t I say Clemens would eventually pull a Marion Jones? Roger Clemens trainer, Brian McNamee, told a congressional panel that he saved syringes and gauze pads with Clemens blood and DNA just in case he had to testify in his defense on Clemens steroid use. If that is true – and why would anyone lie about doing something that incredibly creepy?-there is ironclad proof Clemens lied under oath before congress when he denied steroid use. This is not good news for Clemens. It isn’t good news for anyone except some prison baseball team that needs a fourth pitcher in their starting rotation.
Since you asked:
It is official. I have another pet peeve. What is the deal with older folks in their late sixties deciding to go for a power walk in nearly the middle of the street? Not on the sidewalk, not in the street right next to the sidewalk, but a good six feet to ten feet out in the street. And when you do pass them, no matter how much room you give them in your car, they cut you a dirty look for coming far too close.
Over-entitlement in Carmel Valley, take 61,678
Today at a four way stop sign, I come to a stop. The black Mercedes that has just pulled up to the stop sign on my right slows down sees me and forces to a stop he probably wasn’t going to make if I wasn’t there. Once I see that he is indeed going to stop, I take off. But right when I do, the douchebag in black Mercedes has the onions to give me the “Hurry up and go” wave, like he is doing me a favor by letting me take my rightful turn.
Over-entitlement in Carmel Valley, take 61,679
At the local avocado/dirt-eating organic grocery store, Jimbos, I saunter in as a women pulls up in front in her big white van and parks in the fire lane. As I head into the front door, she yells at me;
“Hey, go get the employee named Stacey and have her come out here.”
As she was an older woman of about 65, I ignored her rudeness – no please, no thank you – and walked in and asked the closest cashier for Stacey. I was informed Stacey was not working right then. I went back outside and told this inconsiderate witch this information and she started to bark out more instructions from her car at the curb;
“Well then go back and ask the manager I called, named Dan, and have him . . .”
Amazed as I was indignant I perused this woman’s car for a handicap placard or a handicapped license plate. Upon seeing neither, I smiled, waited for the woman to finish barking her instructions at me and said;
“Sure thing lady, you just sit tight and wait.”
At that time I walked in and leisurely did all of my shopping. Just as I was getting my items bagged, I look up to see the woman storming into the market, with the most pissed off look on her big, fat, ugly face. She spots me and gives me the “F-you” stink eye.
Was it wrong that I started laughing out loud?
This just in:
Mitt Romney has suspended his campaign. For now Mitt is going to go back to doing what Mitt looks like he should be doing:
Giving overly-touchy tennis swing tips to rapidly-aging, but still hot, trophy wives at the country club courts.
Graciously handing out the Salesman-of-the-month trophy at the Cadillac dealership
Briskly walking his two well-groomed Golden Retrievers, Timber and Hunter, with his sweater tied nattily around his neck and a pipe clenched jauntily in his teeth.
At the front door, single-malt-scotch-on-the-rocks-in-a-crystal-tumbler in hand at sunset and waving goodbye to his hot, trampy daughter, Amber, as she scurries into her date named Ryan's convertible Jaguar while yelling out; “Have fun, Princess. Don’t be too late.”
Going to the hardware store to pick up a new bottle of brass cleaner for the fireplace screen and stopping to josh Sanderson about his golf game by saying; “Your problem, Sandy ol' boy, is you stand to close to the ball (wait for it) after you hit it.” And then both of them enjoy a hearty laugh. Sandy walks away, smiling and shaking his head muttering; "That Mittster, what a card."
Going to the grocery store to pick up fresh avocados and tomatoes for his; “Killer Gauc Dip ” for the big game.
Just to give you some idea how white Mitt Romney is, he considers his John Legend CD a rap album.
posted by Alex at
11:41 AM
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