Slap it, trap it, whap it and tap it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Sorta like that
Congress is going ahead with their investigation into the use of steroids in Major League Baseball; but let’s be candid, congress investigating cheating in baseball is like Madonna investigating Jessica Simpson for bad acting.
Publicity whore
Was I the only one who noticed how, after their 21-12 win over the San Diego Chargers during the AFC Championship, New England Patriots Junior Seau logged more camera time than two-time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady? As San Diegans know too well, Junior loves publicity like Pacman Jones loves a lap dance.
Yikes
Tennessee Titan Pacman Jones has been arrested six times since being in the NFL, three of them strip club related. All Pacman had to do was stay out of two things, strip clubs and trouble occurring in strip clubs and he couldn’t. Proving the experts are right: stupid is the new smart.
Not good
Fox’s NFL Sunday show had a goofy hat contest, Howie Long had an Elmer Fudd number, Terry Bradshaw had a bank-robbing sock, Curt Menefee had the Little Red Riding hood scarf, but Jimmy Johnson won. And he didn’t have a goofy hat, just an ear band and his hair.
What chance do we have?
The Academy Awards may be cancelled due to the writer’s strike. What are the chances of a culture surviving when it won’t globally televise the awards given to its famous millionaire actors?
Hear to hate that
The San Diego Chargers lost to the New England Patriots 21-12. Sadly, dyslexic Charger fans are still celebrating the Diego San 21-12 victory.
Since you asked:
Rented “Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End” DVD last night. How about “Kiss my Rear End.”?
This despite the fact that I am an absolute sucker for any movie with a tall ship in it. I was weaned on those awesome Errol Flynn pirate movies. Even when I was too old to be doing so, when we got a sailboat when I was about 12 and 13, I would secretly pretend to be a pirate out on Lake Michigan.
Hell, even now when I got stand up paddle boarding I pretend I am some rogue Viking pirate on a solo reconnaissance mission and my paddle doubles as my sword/axe.
And yet I still thought “At Worlds End.” sucked. This ironically abbreviated “AWE” was to maritime war movies like “Master and Commander” what the Marx Brothers “Duck Soup” was to military movies like “Patton.”.
The first one “The Curse of the Black Pearl” was good. Too much C.G.I. and I couldn’t get past the ghost ship being able to sail with holes in its sails. (Got no problem with cursed ghost people turning into skeletons at night, but you can’t sail a ship if your sails have holes in them)
The second one, “Dead Mans Chest” arrived with much anticipation on my part and it was terrible. But they promised me the third one would be better. It was. A little. I guess.
But how do you make Kiera Knightly not sexy? Beats me, but they did it. Yes, she was beautiful, but not sexy. And there are good dead guys and bad dead guys and dead guys who look like sushi and dead guys who come back from the dead and dead guys who can’t come back from the dead and live guys who get dead and some are bad guys and some are good guys and some go from bad guys to good guys and by the end you just don’t give a crap.
It is way too long.
And Johnny Depp was way too over-the-top with the campy prancing foppish pirate. And here is the biggest question: How is it even possible to have the brilliant idea to bring in Keith Richards as Captain Jack’s dad and not have it be remotely funny or interesting? How?
No, to be blunt, if “At Worlds End” and “Dead Mans Chest” didn’t have pirates and swords and ships and canons in it, they would rank up there as the worst two movies ever.
Sorta like that
Congress is going ahead with their investigation into the use of steroids in Major League Baseball; but let’s be candid, congress investigating cheating in baseball is like Madonna investigating Jessica Simpson for bad acting.
Publicity whore
Was I the only one who noticed how, after their 21-12 win over the San Diego Chargers during the AFC Championship, New England Patriots Junior Seau logged more camera time than two-time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady? As San Diegans know too well, Junior loves publicity like Pacman Jones loves a lap dance.
Yikes
Tennessee Titan Pacman Jones has been arrested six times since being in the NFL, three of them strip club related. All Pacman had to do was stay out of two things, strip clubs and trouble occurring in strip clubs and he couldn’t. Proving the experts are right: stupid is the new smart.
Not good
Fox’s NFL Sunday show had a goofy hat contest, Howie Long had an Elmer Fudd number, Terry Bradshaw had a bank-robbing sock, Curt Menefee had the Little Red Riding hood scarf, but Jimmy Johnson won. And he didn’t have a goofy hat, just an ear band and his hair.
What chance do we have?
The Academy Awards may be cancelled due to the writer’s strike. What are the chances of a culture surviving when it won’t globally televise the awards given to its famous millionaire actors?
Hear to hate that
The San Diego Chargers lost to the New England Patriots 21-12. Sadly, dyslexic Charger fans are still celebrating the Diego San 21-12 victory.
Since you asked:
Rented “Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End” DVD last night. How about “Kiss my Rear End.”?
This despite the fact that I am an absolute sucker for any movie with a tall ship in it. I was weaned on those awesome Errol Flynn pirate movies. Even when I was too old to be doing so, when we got a sailboat when I was about 12 and 13, I would secretly pretend to be a pirate out on Lake Michigan.
Hell, even now when I got stand up paddle boarding I pretend I am some rogue Viking pirate on a solo reconnaissance mission and my paddle doubles as my sword/axe.
And yet I still thought “At Worlds End.” sucked. This ironically abbreviated “AWE” was to maritime war movies like “Master and Commander” what the Marx Brothers “Duck Soup” was to military movies like “Patton.”.
The first one “The Curse of the Black Pearl” was good. Too much C.G.I. and I couldn’t get past the ghost ship being able to sail with holes in its sails. (Got no problem with cursed ghost people turning into skeletons at night, but you can’t sail a ship if your sails have holes in them)
The second one, “Dead Mans Chest” arrived with much anticipation on my part and it was terrible. But they promised me the third one would be better. It was. A little. I guess.
But how do you make Kiera Knightly not sexy? Beats me, but they did it. Yes, she was beautiful, but not sexy. And there are good dead guys and bad dead guys and dead guys who look like sushi and dead guys who come back from the dead and dead guys who can’t come back from the dead and live guys who get dead and some are bad guys and some are good guys and some go from bad guys to good guys and by the end you just don’t give a crap.
It is way too long.
And Johnny Depp was way too over-the-top with the campy prancing foppish pirate. And here is the biggest question: How is it even possible to have the brilliant idea to bring in Keith Richards as Captain Jack’s dad and not have it be remotely funny or interesting? How?
No, to be blunt, if “At Worlds End” and “Dead Mans Chest” didn’t have pirates and swords and ships and canons in it, they would rank up there as the worst two movies ever.
posted by Alex at
11:10 AM
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